The Transition

Transition, Not always a comfortable process. However, I will tell you it builds amazing character, gives you strength you never thought you had and it delivers you from yourself. It shows you who and what is really important in your life, and just how big God really is. Transition, is a blessing in disguise. Now you read this and you get the picture, I'm moving to the Czech. What you cannot see in this picture are all the small trying steps of elimination you go through. See, the way I have come to understand it is that I have to get rid of everything that "made" me comfortable and content ,or weighed me down in order for God to move in permanently and lift me up. Or look at it as pruning. It all started with a list. I wrote down what I thought were the appropriate steps to take in order to move. So, I started with my processions. I will tell you it took me three try to get it down to a size of reality. I had to really ask myself these questions,"do I really need this,will this be any use to me in the CZ, what use will it have in my life, and what can I never replace or live without for the rest of my life?" The answer was, I sold 80% of what I owned, Donated the other 10% , took the most important keepsakes to my fathers and the rest will go to Europe. What will I be taking with me you may ask. Well, two of the most important will be my dog of 14 years,Tesla and my 6yr old kitty, Izaya. Very little clothing for each season along with some shoes, my camera, my computer and a fearless heart filled with love and a mission . That is it!

Now you most know that with great adventure or change ,tribulation is always a tag-a-long. So of course I had my work cut out for me. In the midst of packing and sorting, my landlord decided that he would loose money if I stayed for 6 months with no lease and gave me 30 days to leave. I knew that was hog wash but whatever, ok I will move. Classifieds here we come. The hunt was on and to my surprise I was not really worried or rattled. God will provide for what he has planned. So almost immediately doors opened,places where being offered. But I heard God say " no, not that one." I knew in my heart God would find a place that would "financially" accommodate me for the remaining time I had here. And he did. As you go along you will learn as I have that with me, God likes to make me sweat and waits until the very last minute.(God has great humor).Through an old friend I was told about how this man left his home to a niece and that she was going to be turning it into an art retreat with rooms for rent in the local area. BAM, download from cyber heaven. There it was, God spoke and I knew with a doubt ,that was the place I would be moving to. Just shy of 2 weeks before my 30 days.I went home that night,looked up the web page and emailed Nicole. She returned my inquiry and there you have it. She was kind enough to accept what I could pay for rent,my pets and allowed me to move in at the right time.

The process of elimination was tugging at my heart a bit. I have been down a few unpleasant roads. Enough to leave one's soul pretty dark and damaged. I have had to rebuild my life a lot through my years. Not all by my choice either. But in a rounded time span of ten years it took me to get here at this very place. I had to rebuild my life, myself,my heart,my spirit and my hope. I struggled,even through those years but It was worth it. I finally found me and my purpose. I finally found a place I can call home that was filled with good and loyal kind hearted people. I am happy and content here,I belonged somewhere. I will be honest, even though I finally had all that, I was still hungry. I knew there was something else bigger out there waiting for me. ADVENTURE and DREAMS. God is calling me to go out and help build his kingdom. He is calling me to him and asking me to leave it all and follow him. It was a little bit of a struggle to say " Ok, I can and will let it all go." My possessions are just material, some I kept because they are irreplaceable and have a deep meaning to me. My family and friends, will rejoice in this with me, my home will be here waiting for me and everything else in between...well lets just say it was what I knew then and it was the tool to get me here. This was the mindset I had to have in order to make the first steps of letting go.( Philippians 3:13 I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead.)

                             ___________________________________________________

The most impacting part of transition for me, was the closure and deliverance God is giving me me. After all those years of questions, pain,suffering,confusion and the simple need to just let it go, he is taking it all away. I feel that he had to finish things in me before he could send me off. I will not go into great detail of each chapter that was complete because that alone is a book itself. However, I can tell you that the way I thought I understood my past, the way I thought others felt about me or how I felt about them and how important it all really was, was not at all the way God understood it. He did use it to his advantage and made me more like him in the process. My heart has always been a pure and kind heart but my mind has been my greatest weakness and enemy. I am a thinker, therefore I think too much about all the non important matters. I was the little 3 year old in the candy store "what's that daddy, why daddy, I want that daddy." A louder out burst and some foot stomping " why" "but I want it now daddy." Then I grew into a go getter. I went out a got what I thought I wanted at the time and ended up in a bigger mess. Then I graduated with a degree for a sucker with a big heart. I was taken advantage of in every aspect you can possibly imagine and left broken,empty and abandoned by everyone I loved and thought loved me.
                               ___________________________________________________

Forgiveness, it is what I am good at. Sometimes it took longer then other times depending on the damage. But there was one person I never forgave or thought of forgiving, let alone figured was worth forgiving. That was myself. To finally be comfortable to forgive myself was an amazing accomplishment. You have no idea how it freed me. Sometimes I marvel at how far I have come into that kind of understanding for forgiveness. It really is a power act. (Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you have toward one other. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Healing the wounds of my past has been a miracle all in it's own. Anger was still alive inside me,even when I thought I fixed it and closed the door forever. I could not figure out what was still unsettled in me. I carried pain that I didn't know I had. I began to see the pattern for which caused these wounds. They never had a chance to heal because I kept making the same mistakes. Recutting a non healing wound is like going down a slide made of razors and falling into a pool or alcohol. EXACTLY!! I have had to face my humiliations, my mistakes, the abandonment,rejection and the all the wrong doings against me and look at them as powerful blessings. That which in return have made me a Beautiful,Strong,Wise,Loving,Forgiving,Fearless

and Humble Woman. I encourage you ask God to come into your heart and heal you of your pain and sufferings. To make you bold and powerful in your over comings. Even though I have many many scars, God has covered them with very interesting and beautiful bandages. I like to call them gifts. Pieces of me that I never knew I had,Talents I never thought I would possess. Ability to see beyond our own abilities. A voice I have never heard me utter, A Strength that has stabilized me. I have Compassion that is greater then my understanding and I have Hope, for every man. These are just a few of the many gifts God has for me and you.