I like to call her "Well"

This entry is not in vain, it is not to boast, and it is not to impress anyone who reads it. If anything I pray that it can be of inspiration and perhaps an answer to many questions for your own self. I have come to understand a bit more about me, my life and how others respond to who I am. I had a revelation of this while I was in the shower today. Therefore this entry was birthed.

Who are you? Tell me something about yourself. Why do you think or feel this way? This is what I run into a lot. Which honestly, and I say this with love, drives me crazy. There is A LOT to who I am. There is much more yet to be discovered about who I am. However, I have learned that telling to much about ones self to soon, all at once can come back to bite you later and can also create trouble for yourself and perhaps the one you tell . So you see, even though some may appear mysterious, they are just that for their own mysterious reasons and honestly,not everyone is as mysterious as they like to think they are. So what I will tell you is this; I am this kind of woman, "What you see is what you get." I truly am a country girl and I like my freckles. I am sensitive, sassy and extremely strong willed. I have been misunderstood my entire life and still might be for the remaining of it. I am a watcher and I am a lover. I have an extremely tough outer shell for the reasons why God made it that way. All though inside, I am as tender as a baby's touch and as pleasant as a warm summer breeze that carries the soft sent of honeysuckle. I savor every moment in every day. I am loaded with imperfections. On the negative side, I think that my hands are to big and I'm addicted to sweets. I am very prideful in my independence. Sometimes my emotions get bigger then I am and I love to love no matter how much of a hater you are.

I don't like to talk about my past. That is why it is called the past. I have lived it, accepted it, been healed and delivered from it and laid it to rest. I have forgiven others and myself. I have this theory that if you continue to spend time there and if that is your choice of information to tell of "who you are" then you are continuously living in it. You are not allowing yourself to live in the now. Who we are, is now. We are not asked "who were you?"

 Who I am, is now. The person you see now is a result of what once was. The way I see it, is if you truly want to "know" someone then spend time with them now. When you are spending time with this person really just pay attention or listen. You can learn so much about someone by what that person DOES NOT say, more then you can by what they do say. I tend to watch how a person reacts to things, how they are in the now of their day. I watch to see how they wear who they are. What I mean by this has nothing to do with fabric. We wear the clothing of who we are. I have many people who say to me , "you are like a bright light, a breath of fresh air, you always seem happy in all that you do.".... You get my drift. Yeah, I have days where I am frustrated, I am emotional, or I am sad because I miss someone I love and once in a blue moon I may need a splash of cold water in my face. But, I cannot and will not let that steal my joy. I am a well of living water.

Every moment of my day and how I use that time and how I respond to things that happen in my life will be the result of who I am. Character, in my mind, is like a flower garden. You find the area you want to be in, till the earth and seeds are planted. In the growing process you need to have water, sunshine and tender loving care. You also have weeds, pesky bugs, rodents and bad weather that prey on your garden. But with diligence,determination, love, some faith and patients your garden finally grows and blossoms. Then as the seasons go by, your garden continues to grow,spreading among the earth and with this growth comes change. You add more flowers, you watch some multiply on their own and it seems to attract humming birds and butterflies rather beetles and slugs. I think you get the idea of what I mean. Character comes with each day. It is built from our experiences , good and bad, hard work, mistakes and time on hand. There is this quote that I love, it goes like this; " A man sees the world through the vision of his own heart." I believe that to be true for ourselves as well. How do you see yourself through your own heart? The answer should be very simple.

Being alone, what does that really mean? What are the benefits of being by yourself a lot? I can tell you what I have learned. The one person you are with all day, everyday is you. Other then God, who really knows who you are? I have been a loner basically all my life. I use to think that I was cursed, but God has shown me that it is more then a blessing. I have really been able to spend a lot of time with him but most of all; he has shown me more about who I am and who I am yet to be. You really get to the depth of what you want in your life, how you truly feel about things and what kind of person you want to be. If you can't stand being by yourself then I take that as you really do not like who you are. You can't face the truth about yourself. I have learned to embrace and deeply love who I am and the time I get to spend with myself. I have learned also, what I'm really made of and that I don't need anyone's approval for anything, other then God's. I think that it takes an extremely strong, confident and fearless person to be secure in their own being on their own. Living in inner peace within your own self.

 Also on the other end you find wisdom and truth in "who" you want in your life and what they bring to it. I have loved many people, I still love many many people, but not all those people are presently in my life now. I have had to let go of many people in order to move further into who I am meant to be. Though, sometimes this was very difficult for me, because I love and when I love it runs deep. It had nothing to do with them as a person, it was more about what was right for me. I can still love from a distance.

You also discover very intimate and special qualities about yourself. Those kind of qualities that God designed extra special in you, just for him and if they are lucky, for someone else too. Those are the gems placed in the treasure chest of your very being. Not everyone can see these nor are they deserving of the very sight or knowledge of their existence. I feel that someone has to earn the privilege of those gems and the best part is, we get to chose who we allow to know about them. My mama and my best friend of 21 years know more about me then any other human. Even though they know me that well, they don't know "everything" about me. No one really will or can know everything about another. There are some things that are just for ourselves. Those deep areas of our heart,soul and mind. That is the area where God is nestled in. I have pieces of myself set aside just for me and for God. Those are the truest and most pure areas of what uniquely makes us who we really, really are and why we can be content with what we are. No one can take that away from me or you.

My favorite part is,is that God knows us better then we know ourselves, he made us. Through him, is how we become aware of just how he made us and why he made us the way he did. And we become aware of that information through his word. Through our rights and our wrongs and our wants and desires. Through our faith and trust and through our need and acceptance. Through gifting and talents and patients and a strong will. Through respect, giving and a pure heart and through forgiveness and love. But most of all, through his death which gave us the very life we long to live.

In conclusion, I have actually shared a lot about who I am. All though it was more through my thoughts and these words, I promise, I am who I say. This is my heart. So next time you feel that you really want to know someone, just spend time with them or around their presence and if meant to be, the trust will be earned and you will be blessed. But never take for granted the special opportunity that you have been given. Delicately cherish that moment as if God handed it directly to you. We are of his creation and I feel that all his creation should be seen, valued and honored through his heart, for what it is , what it does for our spirit, our heart and the inspiration it bestows within us.

We all are a gift in measures of difference. Appreciate and love one another, as we are and for who we yet to become. Plant your garden and care for it diligently. Let your creator unveil you for his glory and love thy self as he loves you. Be known by your love for one another. Spend time alone and serenade your own heart and don't ever give yourself away to just anyone nor too soon. Bask in the peace that is dwelling inside you. Everything about who we are,who we will be and all the answers to our questions are in the bible. It will reveal to you new things each time you read it. This is the greatest mystery of who we are. I have found the bible to be my map, a journey into the unknown and the knowing in all of my everything.

2Chorinthians 4:16, Even though our outer man is perishing, yet our inner man is being RENEWED day by day. 13:5 Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that JESUS CHRIST is in you.
1Chorinthians 15:51 Behold, I tell you a mystery:We shall not all sleep but we shall be changed.

 As Always,I love you and I cherish you for who you are...Cz Girl