Czeching In With Stacie

It's all about LOVE

2010-04-27T14:57:00.006-04:00

I am not sure where this will go. All I know is that I got this one thought that just won't leave me. It comes down to LOVE. You see we are human, we have human nature, but we are a spiritual being in a human form. Jesus was a human, but he also was a spiritual being in a human form. How else would GOD be able to do what he has for us if different. The main keys about this fact is that one, unlike us Jesus was sinless, and two he was all about the LOVE.

All my days I have been many of both worlds. I have been sinful, angry, I have harbored hatred and looked for revenge. I also was the one to protect, the one who was kind, the shunned one , the bulls eye for torture, the middle man, the lost identity, and the one who always forgave for someone Else's wrongful doings. I have suffered,sacrificed, judged, been judged. I have been cynical, proud, vain and lacked self esteem. But above all ,I have always been able to LOVE. I use to think there was something wrong with me for feeling this way. To see hurt, pain, sadness,anger,rivalry and a lost soul always tore at my heart. I just wanted to fix it for them. I am guilty of always wanting to save someone (this includes animals =) ) from pain, danger,sadness and wrongful treatment. You go after a child or an animal and I am bound to step out of christian hood long enough to put a hurting on you. But I also know that,that is not how Jesus would have done it. However, I would try, with God's grace to stop you in your tracks. Jesus had frustrations.He got angry too and even flipped over tables. But the important thing to remember is the actions and reason's of feelings behind it.

The world is full of people like I have described and much, much worse. Now, I am not saying that my heart desires to LOVE a psycho killer who dismembers people and finds joy out of it. NO, but I will pray for them, I may even be guilty and hide disgust and anger inside my own thoughts because I just can't understand "Why" .But I just have to give that to God and not ask Why. See a lot of people say to me that they disbelieve because of all the bad that goes on in the world. They ask," How does a LOVING God allow such evil"? I don't have that answer. But I do have the faith to trust that he knows the answer and one day will tell us. I also believe that the people asking that question do not understand the two worlds, which are at constant battle. Heaven vs. Hell

No matter what, as I am blessed with a new day; I try to LOVE those I come in contact with. And even those that do not even know I exist. LOVE can be expressed in many ways. There also are many different kinds of LOVE. I LOVE all the ways to LOVE. It can be as simple as smiling at a stranger with a friendly hello. You are acknowledging that they are there and they really do become blessed from your small jester of kindness. I know when someone greets me and smiles , it warms my heart and makes me feel good.

And then, it can be as big as giving your life for another. In the bible it says many times about LOVING one another. It states in John 13: 34-35 that the number one commandment is to LOVE each other as God has LOVED you and by this others will know you are of him.

Also, John 15:12-13, My command is this: LOVE each other as I have LOVED you,Greater LOVE has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends. He states it twice in the same sentence many times through out the bible. To me that is a simple request with a huge impact. It should be the greatest act among all men. Imagine how much brighter the world would be, how much nicer your day would go and how much more alive we would feel if we could just LOVE one another.

With LOVE, you have small stepping stones that lead up to the LOVE. You have respect, common courtesy and a genuine liking or concern toward them. You have compassion, kindness and appreciation towards them. You see them as a person with worth,with value,as a gift, and a blessing. You see them for who they are and for who they could be. You don't hold against them in judgement for what they were,who they still are, where they are, where they've been , how far they've come and how far they yet to go. You LOVE them anyway. God LOVES the broken hearted, he LOVES the troubled, he LOVES the righteous, he LOVES the unrighteous, he LOVES lost and he LOVES the found. He really LOVES the unloving enough to use them for his glory. I too LOVE the unloving. For some reason, those are the ones that I attract and I am attracted to. I am drawn to them in ways I can't explain. But I know it is of God's doing. I am not afraid to hug the unclean, to befriend the outcast, to compliment the undesired, and to say something nice to the hater. That one tiny action that took just a second of my time, planted a seed of LOVE and hope in the heart of that person through God. It could have an impact on them in a way we don't even understand or realize. You could change someones life and even save a life by showing LOVE even in it's smallest measure to it's biggest.

Yes, I struggle. We all do. It is hard to LOVE sometimes. As well, it is also hard to be LOVED. No matter it's level of LOVE. But you have to set that aside and remember these two things. One, they are a human being, no different then you or I. Two God LOVES them. He LOVED them enough to give us his only begotten son and set for his son to die for us. Talk about an act of LOVE. There is none greater then this. So why can't we try to do and do with our whole heart the first thing and the one thing he asked us to do if anything? "Just LOVE one another as I have LOVED you." Just try and he will do the rest.

When our hope is hard to find

And our faith is in decline

We need a cause to stand behind - LOVE

We all want the way it feels

Time it comes and time it steals

What remains, what is real - LOVE

There is LOVE

There is forgiveness

There is LOVE in times of need

When life is cold there is a promise

You will never go without...

There is LOVE

It heals the sick

Comforts the weak

Breaks the proud

Raises the meek

In this life no guarantees... LOVE

LOVE is the answer

LOVE will find a way

When we LOVE one another

It's a brighter day ...LOVE

AS Always, CzGirl LOVES YOU !!

I like to call her "Well"

2010-04-21T17:50:00.042-04:00

This entry is not in vain, it is not to boast, and it is not to impress anyone who reads it. If anything I pray that it can be of inspiration and perhaps an answer to many questions for your own self. I have come to understand a bit more about me, my life and how others respond to who I am. I had a revelation of this while I was in the shower today. Therefore this entry was birthed.

Who are you? Tell me something about yourself. Why do you think or feel this way? This is what I run into a lot. Which honestly, and I say this with love, drives me crazy. There is A LOT to who I am. There is much more yet to be discovered about who I am. However, I have learned that telling to much about ones self to soon, all at once can come back to bite you later and can also create trouble for yourself and perhaps the one you tell . So you see, even though some may appear mysterious, they are just that for their own mysterious reasons and honestly,not everyone is as mysterious as they like to think they are. So what I will tell you is this; I am this kind of woman, "What you see is what you get." I truly am a country girl and I like my freckles. I am sensitive, sassy and extremely strong willed. I have been misunderstood my entire life and still might be for the remaining of it. I am a watcher and I am a lover. I have an extremely tough outer shell for the reasons why God made it that way. All though inside, I am as tender as a baby's touch and as pleasant as a warm summer breeze that carries the soft sent of honeysuckle. I savor every moment in every day. I am loaded with imperfections. On the negative side, I think that my hands are to big and I'm addicted to sweets. I am very prideful in my independence. Sometimes my emotions get bigger then I am and I love to love no matter how much of a hater you are.

I don't like to talk about my past. That is why it is called the past. I have lived it, accepted it, been healed and delivered from it and laid it to rest. I have forgiven others and myself. I have this theory that if you continue to spend time there and if that is your choice of information to tell of "who you are" then you are continuously living in it. You are not allowing yourself to live in the now. Who we are, is now. We are not asked "who were you?"

Who I am, is now. The person you see now is a result of what once was. The way I see it, is if you truly want to "know" someone then spend time with them now. When you are spending time with this person really just pay attention or listen. You can learn so much about someone by what that person DOES NOT say, more then you can by what they do say. I tend to watch how a person reacts to things, how they are in the now of their day. I watch to see how they wear who they are. What I mean by this has nothing to do with fabric. We wear the clothing of who we are. I have many people who say to me , "you are like a bright light, a breath of fresh air, you always seem happy in all that you do.".... You get my drift. Yeah, I have days where I am frustrated, I am emotional, or I am sad because I miss someone I love and once in a blue moon I may need a splash of cold water in my face. But, I cannot and will not let that steal my joy. I am a well of living water.

Every moment of my day and how I use that time and how I respond to things that happen in my life will be the result of who I am. Character, in my mind, is like a flower garden. You find the area you want to be in, till the earth and seeds are planted. In the growing process you need to have water, sunshine and tender loving care. You also have weeds, pesky bugs, rodents and bad weather that prey on your garden. But with diligence,determination, love, some faith and patients your garden finally grows and blossoms. Then as the seasons go by, your garden continues to grow,spreading among the earth and with this growth comes change. You add more flowers, you watch some multiply on their own and it seems to attract humming birds and butterflies rather beetles and slugs. I think you get the idea of what I mean. Character comes with each day. It is built from our experiences , good and bad, hard work, mistakes and time on hand. There is this quote that I love, it goes like this; " A man sees the world through the vision of his own heart." I believe that to be true for ourselves as well. How do you see yourself through your own heart? The answer should be very simple.

Being alone, what does that really mean? What are the benefits of being by yourself a lot? I can tell you what I have learned. The one person you are with all day, everyday is you. Other then God, who really knows who you are? I have been a loner basically all my life. I use to think that I was cursed, but God has shown me that it is more then a blessing. I have really been able to spend a lot of time with him but most of all; he has shown me more about who I am and who I am yet to be. You really get to the depth of what you want in your life, how you truly feel about things and what kind of person you want to be. If you can't stand being by yourself then I take that as you really do not like who you are. You can't face the truth about yourself. I have learned to embrace and deeply love who I am and the time I get to spend with myself. I have learned also, what I'm really made of and that I don't need anyone's approval for anything, other then God's. I think that it takes an extremely strong, confident and fearless person to be secure in their own being on their own. Living in inner peace within your own self.

Also on the other end you find wisdom and truth in "who" you want in your life and what they bring to it. I have loved many people, I still love many many people, but not all those people are presently in my life now. I have had to let go of many people in order to move further into who I am meant to be. Though, sometimes this was very difficult for me, because I love and when I love it runs deep. It had nothing to do with them as a person, it was more about what was right for me. I can still love from a distance.

You also discover very intimate and special qualities about yourself. Those kind of qualities that God designed extra special in you, just for him and if they are lucky, for someone else too. Those are the gems placed in the treasure chest of your very being. Not everyone can see these nor are they deserving of the very sight or knowledge of their existence. I feel that someone has to earn the privilege of those gems and the best part is, we get to chose who we allow to know about them. My mama and my best friend of 21 years know more about me then any other human. Even though they know me that well, they don't know "everything" about me. No one really will or can know everything about another. There are some things that are just for ourselves. Those deep areas of our heart,soul and mind. That is the area where God is nestled in. I have pieces of myself set aside just for me and for God. Those are the truest and most pure areas of what uniquely makes us who we really, really are and why we can be content with what we are. No one can take that away from me or you.

My favorite part is,is that God knows us better then we know ourselves, he made us. Through him, is how we become aware of just how he made us and why he made us the way he did. And we become aware of that information through his word. Through our rights and our wrongs and our wants and desires. Through our faith and trust and through our need and acceptance. Through gifting and talents and patients and a strong will. Through respect, giving and a pure heart and through forgiveness and love. But most of all, through his death which gave us the very life we long to live.

In conclusion, I have actually shared a lot about who I am. All though it was more through my thoughts and these words, I promise, I am who I say. This is my heart. So next time you feel that you really want to know someone, just spend time with them or around their presence and if meant to be, the trust will be earned and you will be blessed. But never take for granted the special opportunity that you have been given. Delicately cherish that moment as if God handed it directly to you. We are of his creation and I feel that all his creation should be seen, valued and honored through his heart, for what it is , what it does for our spirit, our heart and the inspiration it bestows within us.

We all are a gift in measures of difference. Appreciate and love one another, as we are and for who we yet to become. Plant your garden and care for it diligently. Let your creator unveil you for his glory and love thy self as he loves you. Be known by your love for one another. Spend time alone and serenade your own heart and don't ever give yourself away to just anyone nor too soon. Bask in the peace that is dwelling inside you. Everything about who we are,who we will be and all the answers to our questions are in the bible. It will reveal to you new things each time you read it. This is the greatest mystery of who we are. I have found the bible to be my map, a journey into the unknown and the knowing in all of my everything.

2Chorinthians 4:16, Even though our outer man is perishing, yet our inner man is being RENEWED day by day. 13:5 Examine yourselves as to whether you are in the faith. Test yourselves. Do you not know yourselves, that JESUS CHRIST is in you.
1Chorinthians 15:51 Behold, I tell you a mystery:We shall not all sleep but we shall be changed.

As Always,I love you and I cherish you for who you are...Cz Girl

Last few Weeks in Fasting

2010-04-04T20:16:00.008-04:00

Greetings once again. Happy Easter. I have great news ...He has Risen. Our Lord Jesus IS alive and walking among us all. Isn't that Wonderful news. I thought you would like that. So you may be wondering as to why I have not been documenting for the past few weeks. I honestly just didn't feel led to and I was in so deep with a lot of supernatural adventures.

What I experienced , a lot of it cannot be put into words and it is beyond comprehension even for me. I was in a battle for 3 straight weeks. I was up against a great deal of different situations. Along with prayer, intercessory prayer and, as well, mentoring . I ended up calling the big guns because I could only handle so much. When you become mentally and physically exhausted and in pain it is time to call the brothers and sisters to step in along side you. And that they did.

Even though God was using me in many ways here, back at home and even in other areas in the states, he too was doing a work in me. The main thing God has been working on me ,once again is to be the "Receiver". I have always been the giver,the server and a provider for my own needs. I was sent to do the works of God and to help others and to give them love among other things. But every since I have arrived here, it has been the total opposite. For being a foreigner, I have felt more like a native Czechster!! To be embraced and to have acts of kindness showered upon me with gifts in hand, has greatly humbled me to a place I have never been before. Not only has the Czech community reached out but the missions team has recently as well, in small yet very intimate ways. I say it that way because no one on this team really knows me or my heart , but God does.

I came home from the gym one day to have a short but sweet visit from the Rector's. They handed me these interesting teas to try and a bouquet of flowers. Now I never discovered the flowers until after they left. I have never seen such vibrant red lilies in my life. This was an amazing bouquet. So my favorite color being red and my favorite flowers being Lilies(and daisies),They had no clue of these simple yet important facts about me. But God does. The little message in the card simply said the words I needed to hear, "Here's to a fresh start". They too, had no idea that when I accepted this call, one of my personal reasons for doing so, was that it gave me a chance to have a brand new start in my life. To me, it is a new chapter of my life. A place where no one knows me, my past is at rest far behind me and everything about me and in me is fresh. A more focused and assured vision on life and my hearts desires.

As the days went by, I was continuously showered with droplets of kindness. It goes as small as buying minutes for my phone for cutting hair. Someone else did the same just because they felt like it. Then I go to our team meeting and there at my seat is a beautiful plant screaming "Hello Spring" from it's bright yellow blossoms. Attached to it was a simple note, "Staciemae, Have a Happy Day." Yup , it is that simple. Then I had all the in between moments filled with words that were spoken to me each new day. They were the very things I needed to hear. They may not have known this , but..yes, you guessed it, GOD DOES. It is those simple moments of kindness that have the most impacting measures to my heart and my life.

On a chilled rainy Saturday, the Pastor, his daughter and one of the elders brought me a bed. I needed a bigger and more comfortable bed. Now with this bed and a memory foam mattress, I will be as comfortable as a new born baby in it's mama's arms. I too, in the past 10 days have receive 7 boxes filled with goodies from America. My daddy sent 3, my best friend sent one and my church sent 3 as well. I am set for many things for some time now.

Then today I feel was the most profound and impacting moment of kindness that I have received. Not only was it just that, but to me it was a moment of God's truth and realness. I say realness because HE truly does know all. A man from the church, that I barley know, came up to me and handed me this small piece of folded paper with my name written in Czech. He smiled and I said with a huge smile on my face "Thank you so much". Now I had no idea about what was written inside this folded piece of paper, but it immediately brought me great Joy when I "Received" it. I was anxious to see what it said. Being language barrier and all it made me wonder. I began to open this paper and as I did I noticed that it had something in it. I stopped and took it with me out to a different room. As I opened it up, my eyes saw that inside this paper contained a large amount of money instead. I instantly was hit with emotions that I could not control. My first thoughts were, "I cannot take this, I cannot do this."

I went back into the sanctuary and found my little Katka and took her back out into the hallway. I told her that I could not take this money and I needed to give it back to this man. I saw complete disappointment on this girls face. I expressed how sorry I was and that I really am not good at receiving money from others. I know what you are thinking as you read this , but this has been a thing with me my entire life. I am just not good at taking money from others even if it is a gift. Then this precious 14 year old girl says ," You know once there was a man who fell in water and was unable to get out. So a few men stopped to try and help and the man refused and said, no no it is ok GOD will help me. So those men went on their way. As he continued to cry out to God , another group stopped to help and he again said no. This man then went to heaven and when he saw God he said why did you not help me father. God said I did, I sent you help three times and you denied it all three times.

As I was drowning in my own tears, I began to weep in a way of disappointment in myself on top of the humility that was falling upon me. Why is this so hard for me to do, I thought? Katka then went and found the man that gave me this money and in front of me; as i wept uncontrollably she explained to him that I was unable to accept this money. He asked "Why"? I tried to reassure the man that I was ok and taken care of, yet I was deeply blessed by his kindness. He then began to tell me a story about how he went to a place to serve that was very poor.They had no money ,they really and nothing. On his last day there a man from the service that day handed him a large sum of money to buy a plane ticket back home. He refused several times. But then he realized he had to take the money, so he took it but left some behind as well. And then he embraced me and says," It is a gift, take it, enjoy it". You must learn to take as well. " I was breathless and tried to speak the words thank you, but could not. I just looked him in the eyes and I believe he saw my gratitude all over my face, he again said, " Enjoy it," And he walked away. I went into the bathroom , locked myself in the stall and cried from the deepest part I could get to.

As I walked home shame started to surface. I made it into my door and I just let all the emotions out. I cried so hard asking God to forgive me for denying his love and provision and for rejecting someone's kindness . I thought to myself, this act from this man could very well have been him yielding in obedience, and I took that from him. Then I heard God say,"remember what you asked of me yesterday?" And it hit me like a ton of bricks. During this fast a lot of detours have popped up in regards to my finances . And just recently I went to check my account for my tax money and noticed some how two large amounts were deducted with my debit card and has been taken from my account. My power of attorney and myself are the only ones with access to my account. We were at a loss as to what happened. So this left me in the negative by a lot. I have not worried at all during my time here about money. I have grown frustrated but never worried. See, I do 100% , trust in my God to provide my every need for the rest of my life. And just to add, when I checked my account today, those unknown charges vanished and my money was back in the account. No, I am not kidding and Yes, I am believing God just fixed it all on his own. Which brings me back to yesterday.

I have been fasting for 40 days and I am hungry. My body has been craving some fresh fruit and veggies. As I looked in my fridge looking for those very things , I realized, "oh yeah I don't have anything in here." So I stood with the door open looking at a completely empty fridge and laughed out loud and said," God I would really love some fresh veggies and fruit right now, please provide a way for this." I more less said it as like a wish not a prayer. Then I thought again to myself , well I can wait a few more days then my tax money should be in the account. And there it was.

I stood in awe today as I was beating myself senseless for my stupidity and said , "OH My God! You have given me the very thing I had asked for. Right there in front of my face and in my hands was the answer to a prayer that I didn't really take seriously . As I decided to throw in a few more punches at myself, I suddenly became calm and the tears stopped and then I just took one deep breath and I said out loud, " God , Thank you for answering me, and for giving me the very thing I had asked for. Thank you for the kindness of my brother who you asked to bless me. I then picked myself up and just let it all rest in the very fact that today, of all days God has given proof of his promises, of his love, in such a way that has impacted my life profoundly.

And finally, just because our GOD is just so cool and so loving he wanted to show me one more last thing to bless me before he commanded night to fall. I walked home in the rain after Easter dinner at the Steels house. Refreshed but chilled, I went in and changed my clothes then noticed that the sun started to shine and the sky was clearing. I took Tesla outside and as I turned the corner I noticed a very large RAINBOW, fully rich in it's colors, bowing over the hilltops of Hlinsko. I stood and stared at it in amazement and then I heard a whisper, " My Promises". The very symbol of God's promises rested on the entire city of Hlinsko and my
Heart. It is a great day to be alive and an even more greater day because Jesus, My Lord and Savior, My Redeemer, My Provider, My Everything; IS ALIVE and he lives in me. What more could a girl ask for.

As Always, from the depths of my heart, I give you, all my love.

CzGirl

40 Day Fast Week #2

2010-03-05T15:05:00.010-05:00

This week has been a good one. I mainly spent time just thinking, praying and talking to my Father.Fasting can sometimes be like an out of body experience. You are there but you feel like you are else where. I felt like I have been in a bubble this week. I have had many burst of out pouring emotions and deep moments with God. Over all, the encounter of his love has been the greatest emotion received and expressed. I don't know how to even try to put that into words. Honestly, you can't really put God's love into words, when you experience his presence that way.

I have been really focusing on the Kingdom, my inheritance. I know that I am in it now, THE KINGDOM IS NOW. All I need comes from the kingdom and all God uses me for is for the Kingdom. I think about the strength and faith it takes for us as Christians to understand and maintain the mindset of the Kingdom and what it is for us.(what it already provides). Having the desires of my heart; some have been my entire life, some are recently new and others are yet to be discovered;Even then I have to trust in these desires as God's desires first.

I have spent most of my reading this week in Matthew. And where it has brought me is up to Jesus death. For his reasons, I have felt lead to stop there, for now. I will continue with other scripture regarding the kingdom.In addition to studying the Kingdom, I have divinely stumbled upon 2 teachings on youtube about Kingdom Authority and Purpose of Prayer by Dr.Myles Munroe.This guy is awesome and his message really penetrated my spirit. It was exactly what God wanted me to hear. Along with worshiping,I downloaded multiple random songs without really knowing what they were. All the songs this week were about God's love, laying it all down for him(dreams,desires,flesh,fear,all of it) and trusting in HIS plans for me. Holding onto HIS promises!! How appropriate.

I just love how God lines up what you need and what he wants you to know in this moment of his time. How he says with both passion and compassion,"Listen to me, I am here and I GOT you. You just need to rest in me. I know your heart,I know your needs and I know your desires and all your dreams. Just let me get you there, in my timetable." Now as a "human" that is a tough truth to swallow. Not because I doubt it but because I am still waiting.Patiently I might add,for all these things to come to pass. And to be in the reality of the visions and dreams I have. I have been waiting my entire life and yes somedays I think, "what the heck is he waiting for? I am ready for this, just let me have it. Get me there already God. It has been long enough!! I get that you are who you say you are!!" But it don't work that way. As Christians we are still human and we still have things God has to fix in us, prepare us for,and be wise enough for. To get to that "moment" God has planned for,the very desire he gave us; it has to be at the exact right time in the destiny time table. Other wise his purpose for the Kingdom is not what we read and understand it to be. God doesn't lie, he does not mislead and he never ever is not on time.

During meditation and prayer,I had this thought, well maybe a revelation. I don't know. However it has been something I have known about myself but God helped me understand a more unique and deep reason for the thought. I am not nor have I ever been the girl who has always gotten what I wanted. More less, I am the girl who always got what I "needed". If that was not this case then I would be living in NYC pursuing an acting career with great success and married to the man that I have endlessly loved for many years and be the mother of his children. As fleshly as those desires are and how they still linger in my heart, I'd rather receive everything by the one who knows what I need and what is best for me. Opposed to what I want. It has been great proof to me that most of the things that I have wanted in my life , were not always the best for me in one way or another. Great life lessons was the best that came out of those situations.

I don't need nor do I really want a big fancy house. Rather, a just my size home that is comfortable ,tranquil and expresses who I am. Blessing and bringing peace to those who are being welcomed into my home. A small Ranch with my white horses. I too,don't need or desire the "BEST" of things. That is all they really are, are things. They are good for giving someone the sense of accomplishment,wealth and hopefully they can be a reminder of those less fortunate and what or who truly matters. For me a life full of Love, Laughter, Adventure,Family and Friends with Peace and Joy is what I desire. These are the gems in life that money can't buy. It's not about what success can give me or the image it labels me with. It's about Living a Life with God and what he will give me. Matthew 13:31-32 came to mind along with Matthew 6:33; Seek the Kingdom of God above all else, and live righteously, and he will give you everything you need.

Painting,I can't seem to stop painting. I have ran out of certain things but I keep finding something to paint on. Once I run out of paint , well then I have to find a way to get more paint. Katka came over and we had a day of worship,painting and piano lessons. We had so much fun . She is like a wave of inspiration for me. An anointing comes over the entire place when we get in motion. As you can see the result was quite amazing.

Kat's paintings were alive and beautiful. She first did the one below and describe what she received to be: Fire. Everything starts the same. And from God's awesomeness it spreads, hints the colorfulness.

Then she did the cross and heart next: I think it speaks for itself.God's love for us and how powerful it is.

Her third painting, yes she was on fire that night,another that speaks for itself: JOY.

And finally, my absolute favorite that she did. I see so much in this painting,yet she sees something different. To me that is real art and to top it off, it came from the spirit. Her thought on this painting is that God is the same always and what he does is simply beautiful. You never know what God will do, adds to the fact that we both see a different creation by him in this art.

Here is a shot of all that was created that day.

This was another that I did the next day. I told you , I can't stop.

In addition to all the greatness God is doing he has added one more to my list. Dancing! Yeah! I love to dance, I have always been a dancer. To my own song that is. But there has been a birth of a new desire and I look forward to seeing what God is up to with this and in the mean time I am enjoying it and learning some new and pretty wild moves. The dance I will do is more then just the two step, a twist and shout, a dosey doe....It's... well, I don't know yet. I will remain in prayer for this to become what it is God has planted.

Well, another week complete. I look forward to the week ahead. I have struggled some in the connecting with family and friends area. It is hard to not check the net to see what everyone is doing and to not talk to people. Just know that I love you and no matter where I am and what I am doing you and you and you are with me. My love is a deep as the ocean. So until then, you are in my prayers, laugh out loud, dance in the rain and chase a butterfly. Take care of you and I will be seeing you.

As Always....All My Love, Girl

Thy Kingdom Come, Thy will be done, on Earth as it is in Heaven.

40 Day Fast Week #1

2010-02-26T05:00:00.007-05:00

LENT: From Ash Wednesday to Easter, many solemnly mark their foreheads with ash, “fasting” (or abstaining from certain foods or physical pleasures) for 40 days. This is done to supposedly imitate Jesus Christ’s 40-day fast in the wilderness (Matt. 4:1-2). Some give up smoking. Others give up chewing gum. Still others give up over-eating or cursing. People vow to give up anything, as long as it prepares them for Easter. But I do it more for building a more intimate relationship with GOd,dedication in my faith and to seek more of God and what he wants for my life. It also is the time period of the death and ressurection of Jesus. In this I personally, lay it all down and rise back up with my Lord and Savior.

As for fasting I gave up all junk food,like every year !! I gave up the Internet and set aside Saturday's to communicate with family back home and to blog. I did this only because I was feeling like I spent way to much time on it and I was getting to distracted. There is things in my life that needs undivided attention and prayer. Then I also asked for guidance in the word. I want to spend more time learning the word and receiving God's wisdom and grace. Looking deeper into a well of his greatness.

Week 1 of Lent: I have become more aware of a few things that are quite exciting and refreshing to my heart and spirit. I started out my first couple days quiet and I just waited. When I woke up Friday (19th) morning I was in worship mode. I worshipped all day long!! I was in this realm of fire,glory and love. That seemed to be what poured out of me as well. I did two paintings and wrote another song. The paintings were pretty cool, something I have never done before. The realm was painted and to me that was cool. I have never painted during worship before . I have drawn and written out the message but never this. So it was new and exciting for me. I continued in worship and then finished that evening off with the word. I was spent after this day but all in all it was an amazing day. I felt like many different impartations took place and things were released as well.

Sunday 2.21: I went to church and it was a very good message. Alot of the message was based in the book of Corinthians,the fear factor and lack of Joy in the lord,our own life or walk with God and with our brothers and sisters as well. I agree. This applies everywhere not just here.

But my highlight of the day was the "JOY" I received and was showered with all at the same time. I got to do something pretty special in my eyes. I got to meet Babicka and Dedecek(there is suppose to be markings above letters for the proper pronunciation, but darned if I can find it on here). This is Grandma and Grandpa.

I had an amazing time learning about the everyday Czech Family. They have humility, kindness from head to toe, great humor and abundant joy. They are very happy being all together and being who they are individually. I saw great gifting and how God has supplied a special home and provision for them. This house was so beautiful. The kind you see in magazines,that make you instantly feel tranquil and comfortable. I could see the care and appreciation they have in their land and home. They grow most of their own produce and make homemade everything. I expressed how wonderful it felt to have a warm "home cooked" meal.There were many moments that were experienced but I do not wish to post on here. Sometimes we receive things in our lives that are just really between us and God and the people he blessed us with .

After dinner I did something else new and surprising. I sat in front of a piano for the first time in my life and learned how to play. Yeah, just like that. I am not a pro by any means but to never have touched a piano let alone know what chords and keys are, I played a couple of songs.My little angel, my blessing, Katka has once again given me something great,Piano lessons 101. All I ever knew about music was sharp and minor,if it sounds good or not. So now I have a new desire for something I have never imagined myself ever doing.That is how awesome God is. And YES, I can do it!! And I will do, through God, what he has planted inside me. I like the idea that there is still talents and giftings inside of me that even I have never thought or seen myself doing. Goes to show just who really is running the show.

Upon leaving the new family to go home, I was showered with gifts before I left. Once again, God knows just what you need when you need it and he blesses you with a deeper understanding for why he puts the right people in your life. And visa versa. Along with the simple fact of just having good freinds and joyful moments in life, along the journey.

Through the rest of the week I remained in the word and prayer. I have enjoyed getting to know my childhood friend Justin. I have no doubt god has something huge for his life. He has overcome death literally and much more. My heart has been connected with this amazing man and I look forward to the relationship we continue to grow into.

That amazing Family I love to share with you,brought me a keyboard to continue in learning how to play. Yuppers!! I have been playing around with it and just asking God do what his will is. Even if nothing ever came from it other then just learning something new, that is truly super duper with me.

At the end of week one, a few more connections were made, new talents were discovered,relationships have grown stronger and run deeper and SPring has SPrung.There is a lot that goes on and like I have said before, I may not put everything in here for my own personal reasons. But I choose to highlight the

important happenings and moments that I feel can bless you as much as they have me. I like to think that hope and faith can be given to you and inspire you through my journey.I pray that you take a deeper look into your own life and see that you too have many blessings that God has waiting for you. And to know that you have someone who loves you, cares about you, is here for you and wants good things for you and those you love. Yes, GOd, but as well....Me <3

Stay tuned for week 2 and until then, I will be seeing you. God Bless and as always,

All My Love <3

Czech Girl

I Will Follow You

2010-02-19T02:58:00.004-05:00

When I hear this song and something inside of me becomes like a waterfall. Let me pour out as you do Lord. How can I not give it away? I was reminded of a word given to me by my friend Steve Belzner when I was here on my first trip in HLinsko. Then the scripture he left me with, Philipians 3:12-14 and God carried me to finsh reading down to verse 15.

God can speak to us in anyway if we just listen and open our hearts. This song speaks to me immensely. Along with other words spoken over me and how I feel in my heart all I am left with is : Use my hands, use my feet to make your kingdom come,to the corners of the earth, until your work is done. I give all myself to you and I will follow into the homes of the broken, I will follow into the world. This is my prayer, This is my heart .

All at Once 2

2010-02-17T18:12:00.039-05:00

Hello Again!! Okay So where did I leave off? Oh yes......

A deeper look in to purpose: I have alot of things God has laid on my heart. I have alot of desires of my heart, that I feel God has given me. But, what I think some people skip past is that everything is in God's timing. I have been stubborn to this fact. I as well have been disobedient and did what I wanted and landed in quicksand. On 1.31.10 God told me something, and it really just made me understand something about him a bit more in who he is. To you it may seem as a "simple revelation", but if you are standing in my shoes,where I am at in my life now, you would get it on the level that I did. My life back home, all my Family, my friends, my church family, they were my life line. And they still are but I am on a new and different path now,so the life line has taken a different meaning or role if you would, in my life as well. They all were sunlight and water to my life. Each and everyone of them has a specific reason for being in my life. As well as they all breathed a certain amount of who I am into me.God can use us for remarkable things. Before I moved here, God pruned me to a nub. Now, I need sunlight and water to bloom again. And If you know anything about plants, they continuously grow bigger, fuller and more beautiful after each pruning.

It allows new growth, new leaves,new blossoms,different shades of color, a more noticeable sent and so on. Before this takes place, the "nub" is not all that exciting to look at. Then you wonder, " what will this become?" " I wonder what is this and what is it's purpose?" "What can this nub bring into my life." First, I am doing all that I do, for God. My purpose and my growth will be from God. However, he will give water and sunlight to get me there. People here are just that. This city is that for me. I need them to bloom again. To become that bigger,brighter and fresh new bloom.The church and the people here, are my water and sunlight to grow here in HLinsko. I cannot grow, bloom and go forth in my destiny without them. My life line back home as well are still water and light for me. However their rainfall, may bath me in a deeper current and it's sunlight my come in at a wider angle more fluently.

We all are sunlight and water for each other. We are a part of God's garden, his kingdom. I am not sure of all the reasons that God has called me here for. I feel that I am here for something a bit more radical then expected. I was given the words "special delivery". What I am sure of is my heart, and I know God's heart. He is my heart. So , I know that I am exactly where I am suppose to be, and the rest he will bring.

(1.08.10 have to double check the correct date) I came home from church and started cooking something for lunch. During this ,I hear words pouring into my spirit. I stopped and said "do you want me to write this down?" I again hear these words with a bit more force this time and then the word "YES". SO I ran and got a pen and paper. I literally sat and wrote what appeared to be a song, in less then three minutes. I looked over what I wrote and I was stunned. I knew that, that was a door opening. Then I hear " give it to the youth, they will know what to do with it." I had a wave of joy fill me immediately. So I tucked this song away and waited for the moment to give it to the youth. I think it was a week or more before they had it in their hands. I was a church and I gave it to Katka and Jasmine and told them the message. Jasmine grabbed that piece of paper like it was going to fly away. The look on her face brought more joy to my heart. I think she knew. That girl may only be 12 years old but GOd has created a wise woman for our future and his kingdom.

2.14.10 I finally got to hear this amazing song. I had holy ghost bumps from head to toe. I had to contain the emotions this song gave me. I wanted to jump up and down and cheer out, praising God with all my might.These kids rocked the house and the heaven's . They did such an beautiful job putting this song together. It had three different sounds. It starts out like a ballad, then it kicks into 3rd gear for some rock and during the bridge they bounced us with a little hip-hop. LOVED IT LOVED IT LOVED IT!! It was a hit. I feel this song has an enormous statement and many people will receive and be blessed one way or another. Something will happen to you when you hear this song. I am not taking credit for this song. I was just the delivery person God chose to bring this gift to the youth. It was totally all God. Between my talent and the youth's talent, God got the job done. Now, there is an entire tilled field waiting for the seeds to be planted through this song and the ones shouting it out to their generation. If you want to hear the song, let me know and I will direct you to the website to hear it. I also will write the lyrics in this blog. I have to get them from the youth. I usually make copies of everyhitng I write, but I didn't this time. I look forward to seeing what more God does with these kids and the rest of the generation.

Childhood Freinds: When I was a little girl, I lived on this old road in Dekalb. It ran parallel with Rt.11 and rail road tracts. At each end of this road you could venture off onto the main highway. I lived in a trailer smack dab in the middle of this road. Across one side of the road was my best friend Eric. He and I were like Forest and Jenny, like peas and carrots. We did everything together. We would ride our bikes, I tried to keep up. We would run off into the woods like we were on this great adventure. Eric would catch frogs and all kinds of critters. Chased me with some too. I always wanted to be with Eric. I just liked being with him. I knew back then that Eric was sad and mad alot because of his family. So I always thought he'd feel better if we were together. He would teach me things all the time. He said he "learned it in boy scouts." One day he told me about White Birtch Trees and that if I ate the bark it would taste like root beer. Well I don't remember it tasting that way but I sure do remember ERic and the fun we had together. When I was eight years old ,I broke my right arm quite badly actually,doing cart wheels. I have a 6 inch scar to this day as a memory. That was right around the time we moved. I never saw Eric again. To try and make twenty some years updated in just a few senteces is hard.Through the years I would think about Eric. I wondered where he was, if he was happy and if he remembered me. Sometimes, certain things would happen and it would make me think about him. With in just a few days after I moved to Europe, Eric found me on face book and we have been catching up since. One thing I have noticed, is that I missed him. An ironic piece to this great story is that my dad's fiance just happens to be Eric's ex stepmom. Seriously!

Just last week I have been thinking about another buddy of mine. I have even tried looking for him on face book before. This past Sunday I woke up and went to see what messages my mom had left me. I received more then a message. I saw I had a friend request from Justin Hallett. Talk about freaked out. He was the very boy I was thinking about. See Justin lived down the other side of the road from Eric and I. So I lived in between the two greatest boy friends I have ever had. Justin was more the tough guy with long black hair and dark skin. The rebel.He had an addicting laugh and he was so sweet, I thought so anyway. I will never forget for my birthday Justin gave me the best gift. It was a porcelain pink chair with a white bear in it. I have pictures of it and I kept it for many years. It somehow like Justin, disappeared. I can't remember when I saw him last. I think however, that he was my first kiss. Out in the school play yard we were all playing tag. Or maybe it was Eric? You know I can't remember. I have repressed my childhood so deep, but God recently has been bringing some things to the surface. What he has thus far, have actually been good memories. I think he is showing me that I did have moments of being a little girl and they were fun too.

I got to thinking about how innocent and pure kid love and friendship is. I loved these two boys but it was a sweet and innocent love. The kind you see on Hallmark cards or in commercials. You don't find many friendships that pure anymore. Now in the day you can't be "just" friends with a guy without being accused of everything but. I have had many guy friends, I still do but I have been accused of much more. I too have lost freinds because of stupid stuff. Which means they probably were meant to be in my life anyway. I am enjoying the blessings that God has brought me by giving me back the two best guys from my past. Now they are all grown up and after hearing their stories I can't help but feel God has reunited us for a much greater reason then just beautiful memories. I see a great future as well. Being who I am and who they are and what they have been through, I know that God is calling them. Deep calling onto Deep. I am blessed by it all and can't wait to see it unfold.

Hearts grow fonder: Recently I have received a great bulk of emails. People back home have started to really realize that I am really here and not planning to be leaving anytime soon. I have been showered with much love and support. And to my surprise, some of this support comes from people I never thought would give me that or that knew me enough to care. People tell me how brave I am and how strong I am. They are reaching out a bit more in regards to supporting me more. I don't ask people for money or gifts. I simply tell them what they want to know. "What do you need Smae?" I give a list of things that could help me save money and provide some comfort as well. And I leave it up to them.

I have made a regular date time with my bestest friend, Kally. We speak every Saturday on skype. It seems weird sometimes to be so far away yet feel closer then ever. My life has suddenly become consumed by the internet. Answering emails ,chatting with my mom,my sister and other friends. But the beauty of the overwhelming consumption is that I see how hearts have grown from my distance. Not grown all for me but I think for God as well. They get to live this life with me. They are a part of my life. So I can see first hand how God uses distance to make our hearts grow fonder. I love each and everyone near and far and even the ones yet to come. I am blessed beyond measure, with love and support. My heart has grown as well. It has grown because I know now what true friendship feels like. I know what a soild support system does for my strength. I receive love and am able to love love love more then I have ever before. And I am a LOVER! But my love for God ....I have no words to express how deep my love is for him. The gratitude, and zeal that has birthed from this love. It is indescribable. My heart is spoken for.

As you know it is Lent. Each lent I fast for the 40 days. This year I will blog my lent experience instead of journaling it on paper. Great fun to be had. So stay tuned. And as Always, Thank you for Czeching In. May you all be filled with joy and peace. Much love and God bless you and yours.

All my Love, CzGirl

All at Once

2010-02-15T20:09:00.012-05:00

Hello My Beautiful People. Yes, I know It has been A while. I am sorry for the suspence. But you see, I can go some days and there is nothing to really talk about. Then everything happens all at once, and here I am telling you just what all that is. Things go according to plan, someone elses that is. So let me see,since we've last talked I have started teaching English,found a new hang out and met some new friends,learned more czech,witnessed a robbery,grown closer to the church,wrote a song,become a bit more aware of my purpose here,been reunited with childhood friends,saw some excellent hockey, understanding how distance really does make the heart grow fonder and I fallen deeper in love with God and the life he has given me. Yes, that is alot, I know, so hold on to yer britches because this will be exciting.

English: First, I have learned that I have had to teach myself all this before I can teach my students. I have not seen this kind of grammer since 3rd-8th grade. I am talking from the simplest like verbs,adverbs,present participles,gerunds(I know,I had to look it up too) all the way to proper pronunciation and all that mumbo jumbo. Speaking it verses teaching it, is a totally different aspect.You get my drift, ENGLISH!! Which means I have to talk REAAAAALLL SLLLLOOOOW and pronounce not (sounds like)" pernounce" my words right. So this has helped me come to the conclusion that I, as an American suffer from a southern twang mixed with back woods redneck slang!! Holy crap!! These poor people. I am a writer, but I have been realizing that if I can't speak with proper grammer then I will not be that sucessful in my writing career or my Teaching. I feel God has placed me as an English teacher to make me a better writer, a better speaker and an AMAZING teacher. I teach two different levels,Intro and 3B; which 3b is a bit more advanced. They can speak great English ,to my ears anyway. We just learned world history events with future,future present and continuous . I know right?? It is a challenge to be creative because they are more apt to be bored or lose interest. Then there is my Intro class...I LOVE THEM!! Simple as that.

They are a very fun,smart and a happy bunch who know very very very little if any English. We are now learning seasons, sports in each season, I can, I can't , I want, I need . You get the idea. In the beginning I did not think they were going to like me or understand me. It has been three weeks and I have been stretched to a place I have never been. It has been uncomfortable. I have doubted my ability and I have endured not knowing what the hell to do. However, my main focus is to be sure that they never leave without knowing I care about them, that they are reassured of their abilities and that I have to be the best teacher for them. It is my responsability . I have taken a hold of my placement as a teacher and the authority in my class and made it my own.

WE have reached another level. There is laughter beyond the walls to be heard ,progress in the material, building of relationships, trust and understanding. I brought in my girl Katka to translate from time to time. This has helped me know what more they need to know, what they want from me as a teacher and how well we really work together. I have bonded with some outside the classroom as well. I also told them something that I think broke the ice and braught us to that place we are now. I told them that
"I left America to come here and help you."" My heart told me that this is where I needed to be.I want to give you hope for your future and to let you know that you have what it takes not only to learn English , but to do anything that you want to do in your life.Concider me a friend." These people needed to hear this. And their response to my words told me so. They already walk in a state of hoplessness and low self confidence.

I am going to love on these Czechsters so much that they will shoot to the moon. Czech people , most of the ones I have met so far are so kind, and loving. They really are. They have emotions pushed so deep inside that they don't even know how to express them. So, English, yeah! It has taught me more about myself, my own language, how to be stretched uncomfortably yet pleasantly and just how much fun teaching can be. All my students have their first test of this semester Wednesday, so we will see how my teaching skills went this round.

My new hang out: Well all those that know me, know that I practicaly lived at the gym back home. Then moving to a new place, having SNIH (sounds like snee, means snow in Cz) up to me freakin ears,and no friends really; almost drove me into a bit of insanity. So my fellow missionary Steve came to me with a six month membership to the local gym here in Hlinsko. The deal is that I train him and encourage him in return. Done deal my friend. I had mentioned to him in the past that I did not feel right using my support money to buy a membership to the gym. By Steve-O with his kind heart doing this, gave me an opportunity to do something I love and missed alot,help him and to meet people. So the gym, once again is my hang out. YAY!!

I have felt so much better and I have met a great woman by the name of Vera. Love this girl. She speaks English beautifully and has a heart of gold. She has a little boy, Oliver. He is so super duper cute. We have started sharing stories about our lives, our journeys and men. HAHA She introduced me to her brother, who actually owns the gym. And yes, he is Gorgeous and married so don't even ask. Anyway, he is just as cool and by far the best hockey player I have ever seen in my life!! YUP you heard me right!!! He is faster then road runner on ice and slick to steal the puck and scores before you actually realize where the puck went. It is in the net Dude! Vera and I have had small talk about doing things from time to time together once the weather gets better. So I look forward to the friendship God is orchestrating.

Learning Czech: Well, I will say that it is very difficult, I love learning it, it is fun learning it and I will make it a goal to speak Czech and carry on a small conversation by this time next year. Or by the grace of God, before. I will admit that I have not been to Czech Class yet. I learn with flip cards,byki.com google and czech people. The girls teach me, Vera helps out and woman's meet every Thursday helps alot too. I know the days of the week, basic greeting for morning,afternoon and evening time. I know most foods, some numbers,miscellaneous words and I am learning to pronounce the different towns and cities around here.

I also surprise my students from time to time with czech words that I researched to help them understand what I teach. So I try to do a little each day and I pay attention when people speak. I have been able to recognize words, even though I don't know their meaning. The key is that my brain recognizes the words, then I try to say them, and later look them up if I get that far. Our youth worship team sings mainly in Czech and yes, I can proudly say, that I can sing along in czech. And no, I don't know what all the words I am singing, mean. HAHAH But, I know they are good words because they are all about Jesus and I feel good when I sing them !!

Robbery: 2.11.10, I was on my way to Nela's house for Woman's Meet. And I was going to take a quicker route but something told me not to. I needed to go to Lidel anyway but I was trying to talk myself into going to a different store. I ended up going tho the Lidel instead. I did my thing got the two things I needed and stood in a very long line. It was rush hour after work. It is the busiest time . I notice a young guy walk into the store but he went through the wrong side of the walk way. He literally pushed open the cart door(where you push your cart through) then you go through the turn wheel thingy. I thought two things ...First,thats strange what the heck is he doing and secondly, what a jerk because he did it with this cocky attitude. I watched him like a hawk. SOMETHING told me not to take my eyes off him. I watched him go to the front aisle and looked at beer. Then he walked back to the entry way and stood behind the hanging posters for advertisment. I noticed two more things immediatley. There was a discount cart FULL of stuff right next to him and he was hiding. I watched carefully as he fumbled in his pocket and pulled out what looked like money and looked as if he was counting it. Now mind you this whole time I knew he was going to steal something and that I had no way of warning anyone because of this stupid language barrier. I was calm and yet angry at the same time. I then noticed a big guy in front of the doors outside. He was holding it open by standing in front of it. They are those automatic sensor doors. I then saw this young guy watching me. I looked right at him with a look of "I know what you are doing." He kept playing peek-a-boo behind the posters. I was finally 2 people back from the checkout and I could finally say something. I then watched this jerk pull the cart in front of him and literally walked out the door as his buddy was holding the doors open . I didnt say anything in that moment. And his buddy watched me as I got to the check out and I look at the cashier and said "do you speak any english?" She said, Ne (no) I said, "cart" and pointed to where it was and said "a man stole it" and pointed out the door. She looked and knew exactly what I said. She ran out the door, I followed and this guy was seriously GONE!!! It was a heeping full cart and less then 60 seconds. No one was in the parking lot at all. EXCEPT the buddy who held the door. The lady asked him if he saw anything, he looked at me and said Ne. I was like you lier. You are in on it. So he stuck around for a bit as all the security guards came out and stuff. I called Kat to come translate for me. Long story short, I found a cashier who spoke great english, gave my description, my story and my info if they needed anyhting from me.So now I am mad at myself for NOT SAYING ANYTHING when he was in motion of stealing the cart. However,As I have racked my brain and played it over and over in my head, I dont know as if yelling out during the act would have caused a more dangerous situation or if GOd is doing something else that I cannot see. I do feel like I will see this punk again,and I hope I do. I also know that I was meant to be there at that time because I wanted to walk a different way and go to the store downtown instead. So whatever it is, God knows what he's doing. I am still trying to just let the fact go that I had no voice at the time. I had no fear either. I rememeber just standing there watching every move in slow motion and I knew ahead of time it was going to happen. So why didn't God tell me to warn someone then too? I dont know but, everyone in that store knows me now.hehe And the lady who was my cashier, is my neighbor here in the building. I see her alot and I put two and two together a few weeks ago. I explained to them at Lidel that I was sorry , I know little czech and "he is stealing "was not part of my czech volcabulary yet. I felt bad. I said that "I am new to the town and I have only lived here a few months."

They were appreciative that I even stuck around . When I told them I saw it all they were very HAPPY. All though we didn't catch the guy, I can't help but feel GOD is up to something because that is a strange yet good thing to happen for me. I am a face to them now. I am an Honest friendly face to them. And I feel something cool is going to come out of this. God is moving!!!! He is showing people that there is Good people here, foreign and local who care about them and this town.

Being that I still have a few more things to share, I am going to make this into two parts. I am long winded and I like great detail. After all this is a story of my life and as a writer I want to keep you intrigued. So Please stay tuned for All at Once part 2 where I fill you in on a song about a new generation, a deeper look into my reason for being here, childhood friends and hearts that have grown fonder . Thanks for Czeching In! Much peace and love to you ....To be continued

GOD BLESS YOU and YOURS

ALL MY LOVE

CzGirl =)

Blessings upon Blessings

2010-01-11T19:31:00.003-05:00

It is amazing sometimes to me how God works. Most things don't surprise me however, because I know God is limitless in all things. It has been obvious to me the heart of the people that are in this little church. In my past post I have mentioned in a small fraction how I love these people. But in the past few weeks God has shown me in great depth and detail the truth,the passion,dedication and commitment these people possess. Not just for God himself, but for their community,their families and the church.Oh, how I love this little town Hlinsko. I love it's little church without the steeple,with it's heavy wooden doors and it's humble, giving and loving people.

During the end of the holidays a very important medication I need ,never came in from the states. Without this med I become very ill and am unable to eat and keep it down. Three days of not eating just keeping myself hydrated with water was all I could do. The very moment people started to understand the seriousness of this matter they began to reach out to find a way to help. Within minutes I had a med that was similar to what I take given to me. With in one day I had a two month supply. Katka, My little angle, went to her parents who had all the right connections. Jirka has a sister, who just happens to be a doctor and just so happened to have a great supply of this med. PRAISE!! Upon delivery of this med from Katka she came with an arm full of fresh groceries and instructions from Jana to stay with me and make sure I ate. I was moved and humbled. Yet I was like " Oh no you didn't have to, blah blah. I could actually see a flash of rejection formulating in this beautiful girls eyes. I immediately embraced her and thanked her,and received . I was told by a wise man before I moved here,that I must learn to receive while I am over here. Set aside the pride,which I argued; "I'm not prideful PG". See for those who don't know me well, I am the giver. I have always been the giver and the one to help. I have always been little miss independent. Here, I can still be the giver in different ways but my blessing is to receive the gifts God has set aside for me while I am here. After all, he does know all we need and supply all we need. It too has the reality of that familiar saying, what goes around comes around. All the years that I have been that giver, is now my time to be the receiver. And yes, It is hard at times for me, why I don't know. But, Yes I am still working on it.

Blessed again and this one hit me deep in my heart. A man approached me asking if I would be willing to help him with something that is of great importance. Without hesitation, I said of course. And in his reply he states " I will pay you for your time". I refused his offering and said, "I would love to help you. This is the kind of stuff I enjoy doing anyway". A few days later,my doorbell rings. It is this man. He hands me an envelope and says," I want to contribute to you and support you". I knew what was inside . I fought back the tears and I offered him to come in. He refused due to he was expected to be somewhere. He expressed to me that he wanted to do this for me and hopefully in turn of my project for him he too will be supplied by his supporters. This is why he asked me to help him. We said see you later and I walked in to my apartment. I could feel the love and grace swelling inside me. God's presence manifested right there.I opened the envelope and tears poured out of me like a meteor shower. Inside was 2700 kc. In American money that is about 150.00. I began to praise and pray. I was so moved and blessed at that moment. I have been praying for provision in other ways. I have a great support system through my amazing home church, don't get me wrong. But that is all I have plus my mom. And I still have not sold my car. So there is about 250 a month I lose from my support. So God has answered me and shown me that I will always have what I need. Not to mention this past Saturday he blessed me with another 300 kc. which was to supply BACK what I was giving to the youth group just for hospitality and because I wanted to. I wanted to give them a great girls night with dinner, movies, munchies and girl talk. And in return they replenished. God is so good and these people are some of the most giving and understanding people I have ever known. God has done in their hearts a great and giving work and overloaded with HUMILITY!!

Blessed once again. Yup, You heard me. One of the things I do for myself is to work out. I don't want to use my support money to go to the gym here so I have created my own at home routine. I have been doing this for a few years now so I took my knowledge and put it to use. Kick boxing was my intense cardio. Now again those who don't know me, I have a bad knee. My right knee was severely damaged in a sports accident when I was a teen. Being the hot headed, aggressive player I busted my leg up. They put a particle in me. Not to mention I think it was a very poorly done surgery. It has always bothered me. So it grins,pops and swells from time to time if over worked. Well Saturday I must have over, over worked it. I was doing side lunge kicks, and I heard a pop, which is normal. I felt no pain, nothing. I worked out for another hour and finished with lunges and pilates. Got in the shower and cleaned a bit. Then I sat. I got on skype to talk to Kally and I immediately felt painand swelling. I looked and it was the size of a grapefruit. Then the stiffness set in. Ok well I know deep inside something is really wrong. It's been two days and no changes. However, within those two days I have received a flood of kindness form my church family. Medicine from Katka for the pain and swelling. One of my neighbors saw me today and asked if I was ok, because she noticed yesterday that I was limping. I told her the deal and she too went right upstairs and gave me medicine to try and help me.

Katka called today wanting to go shopping for me and to clean the house. I giggled and said we will go together, I need to get out of the house . So she arrives with BEAUTIFUL roses that she bought me and a big chocolate bar from her dad. I didn't know what to say. I just giggled and said "you all are just so amazing and I am thankful to have you". So we ventured off slowly, for groceries and great conversation. I invited her for dinner, it was the least I could do my goodness. In return, we shared amazing conversation which I desperately needed. See I go days, and I mean DAYS without speaking to another human. DAYS people I am not exaggerating. But I also shared my heart and my frustrations and come to find out hers as well. I learned alot about some of the other people here. Everything that I have been feeling and seeing was not my imagination. Others, the ones I trust, the ones I feel that I was sent here to, feel the same way I feel with certain matters. Thank you God!! I have a bit more understanding now. I know that what God has been showing me is really a GOD thing and not a SMAE thing.

I have been feeling these past few days that I was sent to be a part of this church. I know this but God has shown me to a certain level as to why. They need people on their side and who have a true heart for the church. This little church is fighting to stay alive, figuratively speaking. They need change, or better yet to be open to it, to be flexible. God may remain the same today as he was yesterday. But it is things within us that he wants to change. From my experience it is always for the better, to lift us higher to him.There is people who say they are with them that are really fighting against them. Or maybe they are fighting themselves , I don't know. However I do know,There is pride and dominating spirits trying to take over. This angered me. I have fallen in love with this church and their love, and commitment. They are genuine and they are for God. I am here to serve God as they are too. I feel my connection with this church and the people of the body. After all, isn't that what it is about? God gave me a understanding of that today. He explained to me that being a nurse I would understand this, this way....The body needs each part to function(church and human). We all are a piece of that body, God's church in unity.The brain is the main organ that the body has to function. It controls everything. God is the brain. WE have to have the right "mindset" in order to function in the church. The next most important is the heart. The heart is what keeps the blood flowing through the body. With out a pure or good functioning heart the "blood" supply is cut off or the flow is decreased. Which in a period of time those organs stop functioning. Without a pure heart in the church we start to fall apart,work against others or die slowly. Then the third most important organ in the body is the lungs. You need them to function in a manner to supply proper oxygen. Again without this, organs do not function and slowly deteriorate. And with out the proper "air" or "spirit" flow in the church we are unable to breath life into others. The lost, the dying, souls. I was sent here to be apart of this church and to do other things through God. But my most important life line here is this church. I need them to function. I need them to continue my walk and my destiny. I cannot do it without them. God sent me here knowing this church and these people were the ones to get me to my next level. Just as I will supply the fruit God has prepared for them,that He sent me to deliver. Thank you God.

So there is a lot of vital information in these blessings. All I know is,is that this is my home now, these people are my family here and this mission will not be in vain or prideful . I am blessed beyond measure. I am thankful, humbled and ready to stand in this body and work as a functioning organ to keep God's church alive and to prosper in my destiny along side my brothers and sisters as they prosper in theirs. I long for the day we all are able to have the right mind set, a pure heart and the breath of the living spirit all as one. In 2010 God want's us to become one. To work together. To lay it all down and join his army. I'm in the front line and God speed ahead.

I end this with Praise and a thankful heart. I pray for blessing to be bestowed upon those as they are needed. I pray for unity in the body ,and I pray for miracles and favor. God wants to shower you with his blessings, just look up and say I will receive, rain down upon me my lord, rain down.

God Bless you and yours and until next time ....I'll be seeing you. <3

Much love and Grace,

Czgirl

A Quick peek into my 2 months in Hlinsko

2010-01-04T20:31:00.010-05:00

I obviously have been behind on daily entry. I ask for your forgiveness. It has been a fast,tiring and lonely two month transition . All though I have had great moments,sad moments, moments of revelation and bouts of homesickness; I know in my heart that I am meant to be here.There is a lot of behind the scene activity here and in my life that is hard to document. Therefore great details of some things just will not be possible to put into words. What I do share will be personal,deep,strange,and hopefully a beacon of light for you.

In the last two months I have battled spiritual warfare, and additional pruning, with the mighty grace and mercy of God. I have spent much time praying,talking asking questions and hashing out things with God. What I have come to is what I already know; that no matter what, he is here with me and whatever he chooses for me, is the best for me. So I had to come to a higher level of that believing and just rest in that. My relationship with God has grown greatly. I can actually admit that I am crazy, yet a courageous crazy person. There is a lot more to it then just picking up and moving here. There is great details that take place in and around you. My heart has so much inside and it is very hard to try and contain it all. He keeps filling it more and more each day. I am at that place he likes to bring us where we gather and he builds inside us. His love runneth over. What is it he's doing? I have NO CLUE. All I know is the overwhelming feeling I have to just keep praising, preaching, loving and living my life and my dreams. I want to run up and down the streets here and just tell everyone the good news. I have so much inside me to express right now, and limited outlets. But I am just waiting on God to release me. I feel like an arrow that is pulled way back in the bow just eagerly waiting for the release.

I am still trying to find my place here. In turn it has been very lonely. I know there is an abundantly giving and loving group of people here but there is still that rut. I have the language barrier for one. I know little Czech, all though I learn something new each day. There is the "who do I trust" scenario. I can explain it to you this way. I feel like a new kid who just moved to a new town and school. I wander around aimlessly, feel like a sore thumb,watch the people carefully, eat at the lunch table alone and I'm shy or reserved to a point for protection . I have taken the scripture Proverbs 4:23(Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. ) very seriously. I see, hear and feel so much,yet I remain silent for unknown reasons. Then again I remain silent and keep my distance just to be cautious. God has let know to slowly reveal myself here. I'm not afraid to get out of the boat, I just don't want to sink it before I get the chance to get out of it. I finally get to start a new life. A brand new canvas. I want to make it my master piece. I have been given another chance to do it right. I have spent time with the team and others and I have bonded greatly with the youth, the elders of the church(Jana,Ivana and the 2Pastor Jirka's) a few from the team and a golden lab, Nikki. They have a way of making me feel a bit more rooted here. I have seen many hearts that are enlarged with God, but these people are extra special. I love them, and I would fight to the death for them.

Among the good and bad I am surrounded completely by goodness. God's goodness. This place is very special. All though it is known and has been through tribulations for many years, I get the feeling that God has marked this place as a holy ground. A treasure to be found in the great battle. A fight well worth fighting. I love it here , and I feel pretty darn lucky and blessed to be a part of it. Not to mention that with in this city,lies great beauty. I go out each day eager to discover more. I am very anxious to see what God does this year. I have a good idea to some things, but God has big sleeves; so I know there's more up them then I could ever fathom. I,as well look forward to what God does with me. I cant wait to see where he puts me, who he puts me with and how my gifting and talents explode.

As I end this I will make it clear that I will start to do daily entry's with photos or video now that I am have had time to catch you up a bit. As well as I am putting together a monthly news letter. Stay tuned for monthly girl night adventures with Rachael,me and the youth and Prom 2010. I look forward to what happens here. Please keep me,my babies and this city in your prayers. Until then, Take Care Of You.

With All My Love................CzGirl <3

Over the Pond we Go.

2009-12-31T09:46:00.001-05:00

November 9th 5pm. Boarding call for Prague. Deep breath and a sigh of relief. Just 9 hours to go and we will be in our new home. Of course the process of getting Tesla onto the plane once more was by far the worst yet. She was exhausted,panting and shaking with tremendous fear. People again gave me those looks. Then I was like , you know what, yes it looks awful but they don't know me,my story or my relationship with this dog. We are going through this together and we will be fine and I just kept us going forward.

Seat 24E, right in the middle row of the plane . Ok things are looking good, all three seats.They remembered to save us the three seats. Oh no, wait a minute, it was too good to be true. So here I am in the seat with two people and a stressed dog. She was in between my legs holding her head up as we were squeezed into this small area. I looked at the flight attendant and explained that the airline told me that we would have a specific seat. "My dog can not sit in this position for 9 hours." Of course they all were accommodating and began to scramble for a new seat arrangement. I have never in my life seen a plane this full. They only seat available was a exit seat and one person was in it. To my new gathered knowledge animals are not allowed in the exit seats. The F.A. reassured me that they would do something for Tesla. As we are going down the air strip and one lady says, "we have asked the gentlemen in the seat to switch with the couple next to you and he is refusing." I just took a deep breath a began to pray some more. About ten minutes after we are in the air the F.A. comes up to the couple next to me and says "follow me please". To my amazement an older man is standing at the end of my seat and takes one look at me and Tesla and said "oh my", and sits at the far end of out row. I looked over and put the best smile I could find on my face and I said " Thank you for this We are greatly appreciate it". The man looks at me and reached down and began petting Tesla as she was falling asleep and we climbed the clouds . He shook his head and said "you are welcome". I knew at that moment that mans heart felt good for what he had just done. Even if it seemed to be a small thing to him it was a huge thing to me. I believe he saw just how much.

The entire flight was a complete blur to me. I felt like I was in a deep coma. Tesla never stirred the entire flight. I finally got to go to the bathroom and requested the biggest bottle of water they had on flight. Last I remember I was starring into a TV screen wondering if I was dreaming all this. I looked around once in a while to see what was around me. I still to this day just remember fog and muffled sounds. I do not recall sleeping but I know that I was definitely in a different place. I almost think that I was in this bubble God put me in until we landed. To keep stress,turmoil and anxiety that I was under at bay,not to mention my poor dog. But finally we were at a stand still for 9 hours, and all we needed to do, was breath.

Good Morning Lady's and Gentlemen we will be landing at Prague airport in approximately 10 minutes. HALLELUJAH!! My heart began to race, my stomach was in my throat and my head was spinning. I just stayed as calm as I could until we landed which woke Tesla up. The poor thing looked like she just came out from anesthesia. I bent down and laid my hands on her until the plane came to a complete stop. As she tryed to stand she looked like a new born calf standing for the first time. It was funny but then again not. I felt so bad. So we sat and waited another 10 minutes as the plane cleared. I recognized everything as we went through the airport. I grabbed a cart and looked for my bags. They came quickly however my cat did not. As I walked around looking for the person who was suppose to bring me Izaya, I noticed the security guards all huddling and watching every step we took. I finally went to a desk and asked about my cat. Another 20 minutes and still no cat. So I finally just went to the exit way and spoke to the guards. I explained everything, showed the pets papers and they told me to go through and they would page me when they found my cat. I looked at these people with despair and I am saying to myself "they lost my cat again." I looked back one more time scanning the area for my Izaya. I just took another deep breath,trusted God and went through customs. I walked out and my eyes searched for a familiar face. I kept searching and searching and nothing. No one was there. I walked over and just stood in the corner area waiting to see my cat and to see someone that I knew. I began to really panic at this point . I started to wonder if I gave them the wrong day,time or something. I looked at my phone and realized I had no way to contact anybody.Ten minutes went by and No Steve,No Jody,No Christer NO ONE AT ALL.

As I stood paralyzed starring at the sliding doors I hear this amazing voice with an accent ask " Are you ok"? I look over and see this beautiful man, gigantic in stature and with the most kind eyes. I was able to slur the words "my friends are not here and they lost my cat." He gave me a warm smile and said " They lost my bag too and I will help you find your cat. What is your name?" Staciemae, my name is Staciemae. He instructed me to stay where I was and that everything was going to be ok. For some reason I felt so much better and I knew that he was there to help me. I watched him on the phone talking to someone in Czech. The only thing I understood was when he said me name. As I stood and watched this man all I could think of was Gabriel and Michael the arch angels. He had the mightiness and stature of what I imagine Michael to be yet he had the gentle heart and soothing peace that I believe Gabe to posses. He walked over and led me through the doors by the small of my back. I waked in and there was Izaya all the way on the other side of the room sitting all by himself in the hall. I ran over and immediately reached in to comfort him, picked the carrier up and went back through. I thanked this man over and over and he received it with humility. He stood by my side and we talked for a while. He asked me why I was here then he mentioned how transparent my stress and heartache was. I explained my story and that no one was here to pick me up yet. This man ,who never gave me his name, reached into his pocket and says " I must go for now, but If your friends do not make it, this is where you can reach me. Go to the desk and have them call me and I will come get you and I will put you in a room until they do arrive." He slipped the card in my hand as I reached out and he walked away. I did not even get to say thank you or ok or nothing he just went out the door like wind. I looked down at the card and saw the name, Pavel Koran. As I looked back towards the door to my amazement I see Steve walk through the doors. I yelled out his name and just began to weep as he hugged me. All I remember saying was no one was here , I thought you forgot about me. And the release began. Peace came over me and I had my dog in one hand and the cat in the other and we walked to the van. As I passed a large van on my way to get in to the Emmanuel Van I looked back for some reason and there,sitting in the van was Pavel. He was smiling from ear to ear and waved to me. I waved back and lipped the words, Thank you. He held up a small piece of paper and just smiled.

I got in the van took Izaya out of his cage. He was dry, clean and freaked out.The kids and I sat all sprawled out on the seat. My cat curled up in my arms and Tesla crawled up in between my legs and they just feel fast asleep. They new they were with mommy ,the worst part was over and everything was going to be ok. We headed to Hlinsko. I just sat in the seat amazed that I was here. Steve and Dave kept me going by talking and stuff. But all the while I sat holding my babies fighting back the river of emotions and just said in my heart, " God I thank you for getting us here. I thank you for choosing me to be apart of this team and I am honored to serve you." Then It hit me. All though I just went through complete hell to get here,God put all the right people in my path to get me here. The enemy worked hard on my heart and mind and tried what he could to delay the steps to the trip. No matter how much of a nightmare this experience was ,I already knew God was there. But suddenly he started to show where. I had two angelic escorts and many other supernatural moments along the journey. Then a man came out of no where to ease my worries just as a started to crack and to remind me it was all going to be ok. Keep it together, just a couple more steps and you are there. It was that grace and reassurance, that kept me together and focused. I just sat in my continued amazement and began to see just where the hand of God was the entire time and in my life.

Touch Down in NYC

2009-12-09T09:59:00.001-05:00

November 9th. Good afternoon lady's and gentleman,Welcome to JFK. To my surprise we do not pull up to a terminal.W have to get off the plane from the strip and walk to the airport. I think to myself, I am not going to catch a break here. My dog will freak out with all that noise. So now I am just waiting as everyone is getting of the plane. Remember the lady that I talked about going to Israel? Well her and her friends each blessed me on their way off the plane and gave me some encouragement. Then a lady came on board and said she would be taking my cat and putting him back in his cage and taking him to the terminal for Prague. Ok One less thing to worry about. Because three bags, a dog, a cat and two carry on, not happening by myself. I try to get off the plane, and Tesla is not moving. I am trying as hard as I can to get her to get off this darn plane. I walked back up the steps picked her up and carried her off the plane. A man comes up and says" I will take your bags to you're next departing gate for you miss." Thank you so much I replied. I looked and the lady was checking out my cat in pure amazement and I said "promise me you will take care of him, that is my baby you have." She smiled and said "No worries miss , I have a cat too and I know how you feel." So off we go.

Trying to walk Tesla to and through the airport just about broke me down. This dog was so scared and confused she fought me the entire way. I am so thankful we had a three hour layover because it took about 45 minutes to get her to our gate. I know this will sound bad, and to the people in the airport it looked badly and for me it was painful to do. But I was literally dragging Tesla through the NYC airport. Good thing the floors were slippery. In tears, sweating and about ready to pass out from an overload of adrenaline and lack of nutrition, I see our gate and head right in. Then over the loud speaker I hear my name being paged. You have to be kidding me, now what. So I go to the security guards and tell them what is going on and they were NO HELP at all. They told me to go to the phone and pointed to it. I said "I did and it is not working." So I finally found another phone and answered my page. I hear a lady saying " Miss Brown your cat is ....something something... terminal. I thought I heard her say something was wrong with my cat. I asked what is wrong with him. She said you left you cat outside on the terminal. WHAT?? Furious at this point, I calmly explained the entire situation and all she could say was "you need to go back out , get the cat and bring him back through security." Oh no she did not just say that. I replied " your staff left my cat outside, they said they would take care of him and take him to cargo for the flight to Prague. I have a dog and luggage I cannot go all that way again and back though security." She put me on hold for 20 minutes!! Ready to scream she comes back and says "I will call you cell to let you know what is going on." I again said "you need to hurry because my flight leaves in a hour 1/2", and I hung up the phone. You know, I thought I would have some anxiety over the animals but this is over the top Jesus. I kept it together and again, began to pray. People were in awe over Tesla. My poor girl she just laid next to me exhausted. This was such a nightmare for her.I know her enough to know she was exhausted from fear. My phone rings and it is my dad. "Are you ok? What is going on? The airport just called wanting to know what I wanted done with the cat." All I could do was laugh and I explained the situation to him. We continued to talk for a bit and just as I went to say I better go so they can call me, It dawned on me; this will be the last time I would hear my dad's voice for a long, long time. Fighting back the tears and the shaky voice, I told my dad that I would talk to him soon and that I loved him very much. I think he knew and I could hear it in his voice when he said "I love you too." and then we hung up the phone. I sat there for about 30 seconds holding my breath so I would not break down. Phone rings again, this time it is the airport. "We have your cat and he is in cargo for departure to Prague at five PM." Thank you God was all I could get out . Then I asked in double checking mode, he is going to Prague right , you have him set to go on my flight to Prague. With frustration I hear (sigh) " Yes Miss Brown he is going on your flight to Prague at five PM." OK THANK YOU!!

Having a few minutes to rest, regroup and deep breath; I realized that I have not gone to the bathroom since I left my dad's, I have not eaten nor drank anything either.It is four PM already. I have been up since six am. I had no way to go to the bathroom or get something to eat or drink. I had the two bags and Tesla. She was calm and resting and I did not want to bother her. So I decided to wait for my flight. I knew I could have the flight attendant watch T long enough to pee. Plus, I had ten hours to eat something and drink all I needed. My main focus was to keep T as calm and relaxed as possible. So I call my mom, giving her the details after she questioned how I was. I am just like my mamma. I love animals more then people and I am as passionately expressive about my emotions as she is. I inherited the Snow White syndrome from her. However, I would not have it any other way. My mom is the kind of mom that knows what her baby girl is feeling even thousands of miles away without even hearing my voice. She has been known to call me out of the blue and say the darndest things relating to my exact situation at hand. Moms, they know! She also has a way of calming me. Talking to her soothed my intense emotional battle. At this point the spiritual warfare was taking its hardest punches at me. She tried to get me to go pee and to eat something. But I just told her I would wait until my flight. It was time to hang up,my mom, fell apart. She has been so strong through this transition with me. She is my biggest supporter. To hear my mom break down really just brutally tore me up. I have not seen my mom now for three 1/2 years and now to be moving on the other side of the world. We talk just about everyday and now, I do not know when I will get to again. My mom cried out those very words. "I will not get to talk to you or hear your voice for a very, very long time Staciemae." My heart has not been broken like it was at that moment, in such a long time. All I kept saying was " I love Mamma and we will be together soon, I promise." We shared some more words and then said good-bye. Starring off into space, I noticed a nudge at my arm. There was my baby girl coming to comfort me. I just sat,breathing and caressing my dog as we waited to board the plane for Prague. It is almost over, we are half way there.

To be continued.....

I'm Leaving on a Jet Plane.

2009-12-08T19:23:00.006-05:00

November 9th 2009, the day I leave for the Czech. Certainly a day that changed my life forever. I packed my dad's car with three bags,my dog and my cat. As I walked back in the house I heard God say look at me. I looked up and to my amazement I saw the most beautiful sunrise that I have ever seen over my dad's land. I ran inside grabbed my camera a took the shot. I said ," dad look, look what God is giving me as a going away gift." My dad just looked and smiled as best as he could. I embraced my sister and could barely breath. To leave her behind felt, sad. I want her to be where I am with God. But I have the faith that he will heal and bless her as he has me.In the car we go. I took one last look back at the place I was raised and grew into the woman I am. Then I saw my sister in the window,crying and waiving good-bye. How my heart breaks,only God knew. Dad and talked some, not much. I just cherished those 45 minutes of being next to him. I could feel my dad's heart crying,or maybe it was mine,or both.

We arrived at WOL and there is PG ready to go. Dad and I load PG's car and there we were just standing there.Dad finally says ok kid,and hugs me.Oh how I never wanted to let go of my father. All my life the one thing I have always wanted was my dad to know me. I wanted him to be so proud of me and to feel blessed that I am his daughter. My dad began to cry and said to me "You are going to be ok, you will be fine. You know you have to do this and I am proud of you.I love you!" The words with truth that I have longed to hear. I hugged my dad so tight holding on for dear life. He puts me in the car, walks over and shakes my pastors hand. Greg reassured my dad that it is safe where I am going and that I will be in good hands. My dad said " she will do great, she has always been great at whatever she does." I never knew this is how my daddy felt. It blessed me so deeply. Finally I knew my dad believed in me. Dad walks over to my side of the car, there was a crack in the window just enough for him to reach his four fingers in. I grabbed his hand and he kept saying over and over with tears running down his face;" You are going to be ok, you will be fine, you will be great there." I was not sure if he was trying to convince me or himself. Greg drove away and I watched my father disappear in the distance. Unable to control the emotions I broke in to a million pieces sobbing endless tears. Greg gently embraced me as best as he could as he drove. He immediately tried to get my mind else where. Our ride was endless God talk and preparation for the Czech.

9:30 a.m. we are arriving into the Syracuse airport. I had a blank mind but my emotions where like a hurricane. I began to have a panic attack and starting deep breathing. Greg asked a few times,"are you ok?" Dazed and confused ,I said, "yes." We get to the check in and I am shaking from head to toe,trying to fill out paperwork for the pets. Finally we get to security and Greg's phone rings. My brother Norman from church calls to say good-bye and I did the best I could to keep it together. We said a prayer and good-bye. I looked at Greg and said " I am ready." He replied back,"this means I leave, I cannot go any farther." With a deep breath I said the words again,"I'm ready". All jittery I get through security and I notice people are looking at me with wonder on their face. Not sure what they were wondering but,whatever. I put my shoes on, grab my dog and looked at PG. He waives good-bye, grabbing my heart I said to myself ," I will be seeing you".I walked away and I never looked back.

Waiting at my gate Tesla received much attention. I guess it is not everyday a dog goes coach. To speed the story up, I go to the bathroom about 30 minutes before boarding. I walked back to our seat and someone flashes a camera in Tesla's face. See took off like a rocket down the walkway. I had her leased and I was dragging behind her. And she was doing so GREAT!For you that do not know,she is terrified of lighting and camera's(Amongst other things)So I had to basically carry her to the nearest seat. A woman approached me and asked if that was her water dish. I said "yes, I left it there to go to the bathroom." The lady just sat with me and we were chit chatting.And then she just out of the blue started petting Tes and praying out loud, "Jesus just give her peace, holy spirit come and be with them both and give peace." I looked at the lady and she said with a smile "where are you going." I said "I'm moving to the Czech Republic as a missionary." She smiled and said,"Oh well that is good,and I am going to Israel with my mission team." As she pointed over I saw a group of people enjoying their wait to board. I was like ok God.So she stayed and we just had a small chit chat. And they called for boarding. So she looked at me and said "maybe we will get to sit together." As we stood in line,Tes shook like a feeble old woman. It was awful. My heart was breaking to know she was that scared. I noticed the man at the gate starring at me,and he calls me over. I am thinking ok we get on early and Tes can rest a bit. So he asked questions and says " let me find you a seat that is better then this one." I was so grateful for his kindness. So here we go,we are getting ready to get on the plane. My heart is pounding and I think to myself, is this really happening? God just make it fast and painless.

Ok we get the go to board and all a sudden I hear a voice afar saying to the man " page passenger Brown, we have a problem." I look over, wondering if I was imagining this. I said to her "I'm passenger Brown,Staciemae,Staciemae Brown.She says" you cannot board, your cat cannot go with you." So I was pulled back and to the side. Everyone is starring at me like " oh my God this poor silly girl." I asked why my cat could not go and they explained that the carrier that he goes into is broke and he cant fly on this flight. I just sat on the floor and began to pray. I asked "his cage I brought him in is broke?" They stated that his cage goes into a cargo cage and it is broke. So as I sit there thinking to myself "alright God what are you doing",they search for a different flight and a different carrier. I was just sitting still and numb. The one flight attendant sat down next to me and said we are looking for a carry on cage for your cat to put under the seat. Feeling blessed for their kindness,I had to break the news and tell them that my cat, is 20 pounds and will not fit in the carry on. The lady looks at me as she pages on her walky talky and says "the cat is 20 pounds." People in the lines are gasping and the man on the other end says in disbelief, " 20 pounds??" Laughter circulated and We were like yup, 20 pounds.

So I was the last to broad and they bring Tesla and I down the terminal and there is my fat furry baby in his cage looking at me like Mom, what the hell is going on. They hand me a show box sized carrier. There was about six people around me and I looked at these people and began to tear up. I said, " he will never fit." One man spoke up and said " Miss, he has to fit because you have to get on this flight. You cannot wait until midnight tomorrow for the next flight. Put him in the cage." Now if that was not God speaking I do not know who it was. So I grabbed Izaya and people began with comments, That is a huge cat. I laughed with tears and said " I told you so." And I sat him in the carrier and we began to close it and a few people were saying, "he's not going to fit", others were like " I cannot believe how big that cat is." Again that one man spoke up and said "Miss Brown , he will fit and it is only for 45 minutes and then he can be in his cage on his way to Prague, close the carrier." So I prayed, closed my eyes and snapped the door shut. All I saw was hair poking out from all the holes of this shoe box carrier. They cheered a bit and wished me well.I boarded the plane, with dead silence and hundreds of eyes on me carrying in my dog and my 20 pound cat. We sat in the very first seat and I just took a deep breath and held on tight to the tears that wear ready to pour out. The plane began to take off. Tesla slowly slid to the floor. It was like a sedative. I think the air pressure put her to sleep. So I sat still, praying that my animals would be ok. I felt so horrible that they had to go through this. I closed my eyes and just kept praying.

To be continued....

Our Celebration

2009-11-27T13:50:00.000-05:00

November 8,2009

The day finally arrived. I had been anxious for this day yet I was not looking forward to it at all. Most of all the most important people in my life were in one room, to support me and to say good-bye. A few people were not able to make it and if I invited everyone I wanted there,well we would have needed an entire back yard. It was one of the most emotional and glorious days I have ever experienced. I tried to stay so strong, not cry and be jolly. Well I thought I did ok for the most part, but inside I was a basket case.

Pastor Greg shared some stories about the Czech and the people there. He shared some stories about me as part of the congregation,as a woman of God and our trip to the Czech. Then I got up to speak. I barely remember what I said. I know I didn't get everything out the way I wanted to. But I wanted to leave the ones I loved with one fact. That God loves them and he has great things for them. Afterwards,A few members came and prayed over me. I was blessed by the words God spoke through them. I have a great support system in these people and they are great warriors for God.

After service we had a GREAT Thanksgiving dinner. Which was a beautiful thing to have that with my loved ones, not knowing when I will be able to have that again. Then we all just gathered around taking pictures, laughing,crying,and being goofy. My sweet little Bailey Scudder sang me the song " The Climb" by Miley Cyrus. Of course I was a puddle of goo. The day was a blur for the most part. I really cannot explain how I felt. I was so happy yet sad, just overwhelmed with so many emotions. I said good-bye one by one as they walked out the doors of church. I was the last one to leave that day. I stayed behind with Sarah and my Sister, and then I walked out the doors of the one place I felt safe, secure and loved. I even had to leave that behind. The only place I have ever felt a fit.

All though I was blessed and overwhelmed all together, I felt a sense of relief to know it was finally over and I was on my way to start a new life and do great things. I have been waiting for this moment for all of my life. Even though it was painful and scary I still wanted it more then ever. It just goes to show you just how awesome God is.

I'm sorry that I did not write in great detail. Most of the moments encountered that day are indescribable. It is hard to write certain things we experience, putting them into words just sometimes, can't be done. What I can say is that it was a marker moment in my life and a day I will cherish for all of my days. Once I get some photo's from everyone there I will post them. I want to thank all the people who were there that day, and the ones who weren't there. You made a special day unforgettable. I am so blessed to have each and everyone of you in my life. I could not have done this without you. And I am who I am because of all of you. Thank you for loving me, believing in me and for never giving up on me. No matter what happened in my life or yours, you still were there, you never walked away. I love you ALL beyond measure and I will miss you all dearly. Keep in touch and know that no matter where life takes us ,our hearts will keep us together.Much peace and love. Love your Czech Girl.

"He Provides"

2009-10-15T12:28:00.003-04:00

A few weeks back I received an email from Steve Belzner over in the Czech with GOOD NEWS!! He explained that he found an apartment for me. I was so happy to hear this news, But that was not all. He explained to me that Amanda Beisel was moving back to the states to receive treatment for her back. Amanda has been serving in the Czech for 3 years ( approx.) and has been suffering back problems for approximately one year consistently. When she returned home for the summer she received treatment which lead her to believe God spoke and wanted her to return to the states to continue treatment . Rest and restoring is Amanda's next step so God can continue to use her and mighty ways.

How does this involve me you may ask? Well God works in Awesome ways. He will provide for what he plans.See I have been struggling trying to find a way to mail stuff to have in my apartment to function. The apartments come with basic furnishings( bed, kitchen table,chairs and sitting furniture) and I needed other things. There is dishes,linens,cooking dishes ect. You get the gist of it. So Amanda offered me all the furnishings she had obtained through the years there. Hallelujah!! Praise God. Thank you Amanda. I bought what she was leaving behind for me, in return the money I paid would help get her home. See it all works out.

So not only did I save money, I was saved from the stress of trying to sort out and provide myself with what I felt was necessary. I laugh because I know with all my heart God will and does provide for us. He knows what we need. So why was I trying so hard to make sure I had it all together. Sometimes I forget that "He Provides" even when I think that it is still my responsibility. I guess it could be called pride. Taking care of myself for so long in the natural I still feel sometimes I have to be the one to call all the shots. Silly Me. I knew he would provide me with my needs in HLinsko, just not in the way that he did. So when we lay it ALL down and praise him in the process of letting go of ourselves and our lives and trust in him to give us all we need; He is just so kind and loving that he give us back so much more. That is why I love him the way I do. This is why I have faith enough to do what he has called me to do.

As for Amanda, she heads home October 26th. There she will rest and continue with her treatments. Knowing God the way I do I am sure he will begin new work in Amanda's life to prepare her for her next leg of the race. Please keep Amanda in your prayers. I wish her all the best and trust God will do more profound things in her life so she can share some fruit along the way. =)

If you would like to help support Amanda Beisel in her endeavors please contact her at :

Amanda Beisel

c/o Roxanne Beisel

11655 Bridgewater Dr.

Pickerington, OH

43147

You can also find her on Facebook.

Good Luck and God Bless!!

Encouragement

2009-09-24T21:21:00.002-04:00

A typical day starting. I awaken with the sounds of nature and in the distance I can hear the sun rising. Preparing myself for the day ahead I could not help but have this "feeling" surrounding me. As I knelt down to love on my puppers a bit before rushing off, I felt a sense of sadness form her. I expressed my appreciation and love for her and told her to hang in there,stay strong for we will be leaving soon. I hate leaving her more and more everyday, for I know they are limited. In the car and down the road I go.

This "feeling" , which I had not discovered yet was still around me. Then it became stronger as I drove down the fog filled twists and turns of the Cottage Hill Road. Listening to some music I soaked in the sunlight and just praised God for another day. I took a different route to work as well as bringing my camera. God always has something in store even when we have no idea he is setting it up. Songs poured through my speakers and God began speaking to me through them. I heard words this morning that fell into place of the "feeling" I had from the moment I woke. Encouragement.. for me, for you and for all people. Love and compassion fell from heaven and upon me as I drove. I realized to the extent of who I am in God, and who I was WITHOUT God. The one song I heard was confirmation that I am doing things right for once.The spirit started to serenade my heart. I will follow you!! He will be with me no matter where I go, or how hard I fall, or how deep in the water I swim. With change he is there. He is the very reason for it. I have laid it all down and he is pleased. And just to give me the cherry on top, my lord gave me the song of my heart. That's what Faith can do. I need not to explain this, for you can hear it yourself. I will actually post them so you can be blessed as I was.

Along the way I realized why I brought my camera.There is this particular old barn falling apart that sits off the road. I am always drawn to it's character, which expresses beauty with age. With Ivy vines growing along it's outer shell and random weeds that create a decorative ambiance. Open land rests behind it allowing the eye to witness the color of change saturated the earth. Several round bails of hay outlined a path in the fields. The sunlight was just creeping along its side, embracing it's structure just enough to peak through the cracks of this beautiful structure. I tried to capture it's essence with my camera but sometimes,as I have learned, you can't always put things in a box. My eyes captured a radiant moment of change and beauty as it was gracefully reveled . I stood in awe as cars both flew by and slowed down to see what I was looking at. It was like I could hear it saying to me "beauty grows with time from within, let your beauty shine." I am a firm believer that if you posses beauty with in yourself, beauty will illuminate from you. As a photographer I knew the light was to intense to catch on film, so I just let in soak into my memory. All though I will go back to see if I can capture something along the lines.(hehe)

Between the songs that were sang to me ,the rare moment in a time of beauty and the over flowing love I received from God today, I understood the "feeling" that had been following me. It is harvest time. It is a season of warmth, gratitude, reaping and hope. Change is in the air, the earth is shifting. We are in a time a spiritual abundance and challenge all rolled into one. You will begin to feel this if you open your heart to it. We will begin to smell the sent of cider, foliage,and burning wood(or incense). You will begin to hear nature preparing for this change in weather, nesting and rest. You will begin to feel the warmth of your inner spirit, sentimental attachments and hibernation. I know you all know that "feeling" I am speaking about. You notice it with in as the seasons change. I find it to be a wonderful importance that we as humans and spiritual beings can sense the season approaching and it shares it's birthing and dying process. Another amazing gift from above. We were created to experience and use change for our birth and death.

So to all, open up your senses, embrace the season, and let love, beauty and growth flow with in and around you. Do not fear for the lord is with you.

MAY THIS SONG ENCOURAGE YOU AND INCREASE YOUR FAITH.

"You can come back to me"

2009-09-22T21:22:00.000-04:00

Today I took some clothes,shoes and accessories to my sweet friend Amber. Due to more elimination, I had a large box and 2 decent sized bags full of more stuff that will not be going to Europe. I have a feeling this may take place right up to the day I leave. hehe

Amber and I have been friends for 5 years now. I first met her in the clinic where I worked. She came in with her newborn, Cheyenne. I saw this very young and terrified first time mom. Granted I am not a mom yet, but I had a bit more experience in babies at that time. She appeared nervous and had no idea what was wrong, if anything with her baby. I simply reassured Amber that her and her baby were in good hands and that we would answer any questions we could to help ease her mind. Through the years Amber and Chy become established patients with me and a friendship had been made. More time went by and Amber had another little girl, Miley Mae. Again, I was there with Amber and this new life she was bringing into the world. These two little girls have a great mommy. Amber does her best to raise her girls with respect and honesty. She teaches them to be fair and kind. And most importantly they are loved so deeply. I am so blessed to be a part of Amber's growth into a good hearted, loyal woman and mom. I am even more blessed to have her as a friend.

When I talked with Amber tonight we reminisced a bit and spoke about what I needed and what she could do to help. See what I mean...Then unexpectedly Amber said to me " And you know if you ever want to come back", with a pause from her and tears in my eyes I looked over at Amber trying to hold back her tears, then she genuinely choked out the words;" You can come back to me". With her hand clinching her heart,and tears flowing, I embraced her. We cried together and all I could get out was "I will always be with you." UGH it's starting. Through the past months I have only visualized what emotional state the good-byes would be in. That alone laid me out on the floor in agony. Even so, I have to say, It was much more then that when it took place today. There was a sense of truth and a friendship that I know is real. I love Amber and those precious girls. I feel that i have planted many seeds in all 3 of them, as they have done for me. And that wasn't our last time seeing each other before I leave either. It was more like the "I can't ignore that fact anymore"....overload...release...the sprinklers are on!!

The people that mean the most to me, the very ones who are a part in the making of who I am; I have to disconnect from in a way I never saw coming. Though I know " I will always be with you" means what it means. However, the removing myself from our circle means loss in several ways. I will miss out on certain things that I would normally share with my friends and their families. As they will miss out on certain things with me . That comfort in their company will be missed. The joy each personality brings to my life will have to be through a screen or on paper. The sound of their laughter or frustrations will be to far in the distance to hear.

Therefore, I am thankful for technology!! Yay, I can still stay in touch and in the circle and the love and support will still flow across the ocean that separates us. When I do come back, I know you all will be here waiting for me, and I will be more then ready to hug you, laugh with you and just be us!! You all are with me, I carry you everywhere I go. I need each and everyone of you. And I promise to always be here no matter how far God takes me to serve others, the way WE have served each other. Much love to ALL my girls, and you know who you are!!

Be blessed and may God clothe you in his Love and Peace.

Transition Part 2

2009-09-22T10:33:00.001-04:00

Yes, there is a few steps to transition. This next part has been a deeper transition within. I have entered a more committed relationship and a new level of maturity in God. The level of intimacy is precious. I can hear him and see him on a higher level. I have been able to see into different realms that have shown me more of who I am, in God. A lot to wrap your human brain around, I know. But that is where you have to let go of the "human" mindset and open yourself to the "spiritual" mindset. I sometimes cannot contain mentally or emotionally the transformation God has done in me. I know that things in my life or about me were changed and I have no other explanation than God's mighty work. No matter how hard I tried to change my life and not let God do it; I always fought the vicious circle syndrome. I have been given words from the lord, that have become alive, by total strangers who know nothing about me. People have confessed to me what God has shown them what he is doing and will do in my life. Now, I will admit two things. I wanted to believe them so badly but doubted what my ears heard. I never thought that I could have what my heart so desperately wanted. Through the work God has done in me these past few years, I can tell you too, that the desires of my heart, are not all the same as they were prior.

Faith, I have always had unwavering Faith. I have always been the girl who saw beyond the possibilities. Most people would call that a "once upon a time." Even though I am blessed with this I still have to go into a deeper trust in that faith. I am at a place where it has been and I'm sure will be again,completely impossible to do something on my own. Meaning, the resources or the creation of it is none existent. With out God, It is not possible. Which is where the opportunity for God to astound us, takes place! Thank you God! I have a peace that I have come to know in God that allows me to be still and wait with patience. WOW, another triumphant achievement for me! I can rest in knowing that no matter how ruffled my feathers get, no matter how hard it rains and no matter how much fear breaths down my neck; My God in heaven has got my back. He will come through putting all my fears, all my doubt and all my enemies under my feet. No man will ever come against me. No poverty will be before me. No fear will cripple me. No sickness will defeat me.Nothing will destroy me but the Lord himself. My purpose will be fulfilled by the grace of God. I have given up myself and I have taken up and carried my cross and I will follow my Lord and Savior. Stepping out in faith is like stepping out off a cliff and believing with all your might that you will land on a pile of feathers. Crazy right? Yeah, It sometimes makes us Christians look absolutely ridiculous. But you know what, God loves that divine intervention moment that makes you a believer. Sometimes a little bit of faith can move mountains.(Matthew 17:19-20 For I truly tell you, if you have faith the size of a mustard seed, you will say to this mountain,"move here,and move there," and it will move; nothing will be impossible for you.)

Therefore,here I am, at what I think is the final leg of transition,here in this part of my life and before I leave. Now I feel God has put me through "missionary boot camp" along with showing me the fruit of my pruning. I feel there is a few unfinished things at this present moment. And I have become aware with a deeper understanding of my calling. The gifts that God has created in me are surfacing. From this, Anxiety and Anxiousness have set in. Panic attacks have waken me and robbed me of rest. I believe that ,that is my "flesh" reacting to the process of trying to contain what 's happening. My emotions have become uncontrollable. I will be sitting and it will tap me on the shoulder and punch my square in the face. This is really happening. This is not a movie, this is not my imagination. I am going to live in the Czech Republic and I will have to rely completely on God. As well as having to rely completely on him to finish what's needed here. There are several details left to complete here before I can even leave the country. I have to have both pets registered and micro chipped according to the CZ requirements and the airline. I have had to go in blind to apply for my visa. Which I have not even applied for yet. Getting each piece to the "visa puzzle" is trying when you have to do it in both country's. My departure date is November 9th. When I found my ticket, I knew it was "the ticket". I did vigorous research daily on everything and every requirement I would need for this move to happen. I have to sell my car yet. Unfortunately, I owe more against it then what it is worth. I have had to get out of debt. I have had to pay everything off ,putting my school loans in forbearance and taking final medical bills with me. On top of paying for daily,weekly and monthly necessities and pet food. The organization, prioritizing and faith I have had to work on is overwhelming. Traveling to say good-byes, and be a part of celebrations of family and friends. Enduring the emotional process of the initial separation and elimination. Each day I can feel and see my life as I know it, being peeled away from it's very existence. A very detailed and lengthy process that has tested me on every level. All that pregame scrimmaging worked in the end. I was being prepared all these years for this very moment, and what is yet to come.

Trusting God to supply every need from here on out. Sounds like a huge and crazy thing to do, right? Well this is one of the main reasons I chose to do this blog. Not only will I share with you these amazing happenings, It will increase my growth and hopefully your faith in God. It all looks uncertain if all my needs will be met. But that is where I will sit and rest in the stillness of my trust in God. I am in over my head in water. I am not sinking, I am submerging myself in his promises, my faith and his everlasting love. I will get on that plane November 9th. My visa will arrive on time. My car will be sold. All my financial obligations will be met. My pets will arrive safe. Joy will overcome me. God will reveal himself in a larger way to me. A new life will be lived. Dreams will come true,people will be saved. The heavens will open and gifts will pour down like rain upon his people. Healing will take place in the nations. The shift in the earth is already happening and the angels are coming down and taking place ,setting up the army. Trust, It is the act of reliance on the integrity, strength, ability, surety, etc., of a person or thing; confident expectation of something; Hope. Confidence in the certainty of future payment for property or goods received; I put all this in my God.

The Transition

2009-09-18T10:35:00.022-04:00

Transition, Not always a comfortable process. However, I will tell you it builds amazing character, gives you strength you never thought you had and it delivers you from yourself. It shows you who and what is really important in your life, and just how big God really is. Transition, is a blessing in disguise. Now you read this and you get the picture, I'm moving to the Czech. What you cannot see in this picture are all the small trying steps of elimination you go through. See, the way I have come to understand it is that I have to get rid of everything that "made" me comfortable and content ,or weighed me down in order for God to move in permanently and lift me up. Or look at it as pruning. It all started with a list. I wrote down what I thought were the appropriate steps to take in order to move. So, I started with my processions. I will tell you it took me three try to get it down to a size of reality. I had to really ask myself these questions,"do I really need this,will this be any use to me in the CZ, what use will it have in my life, and what can I never replace or live without for the rest of my life?" The answer was, I sold 80% of what I owned, Donated the other 10% , took the most important keepsakes to my fathers and the rest will go to Europe. What will I be taking with me you may ask. Well, two of the most important will be my dog of 14 years,Tesla and my 6yr old kitty, Izaya. Very little clothing for each season along with some shoes, my camera, my computer and a fearless heart filled with love and a mission . That is it!

Now you most know that with great adventure or change ,tribulation is always a tag-a-long. So of course I had my work cut out for me. In the midst of packing and sorting, my landlord decided that he would loose money if I stayed for 6 months with no lease and gave me 30 days to leave. I knew that was hog wash but whatever, ok I will move. Classifieds here we come. The hunt was on and to my surprise I was not really worried or rattled. God will provide for what he has planned. So almost immediately doors opened,places where being offered. But I heard God say " no, not that one." I knew in my heart God would find a place that would "financially" accommodate me for the remaining time I had here. And he did. As you go along you will learn as I have that with me, God likes to make me sweat and waits until the very last minute.(God has great humor).Through an old friend I was told about how this man left his home to a niece and that she was going to be turning it into an art retreat with rooms for rent in the local area. BAM, download from cyber heaven. There it was, God spoke and I knew with a doubt ,that was the place I would be moving to. Just shy of 2 weeks before my 30 days.I went home that night,looked up the web page and emailed Nicole. She returned my inquiry and there you have it. She was kind enough to accept what I could pay for rent,my pets and allowed me to move in at the right time.

The process of elimination was tugging at my heart a bit. I have been down a few unpleasant roads. Enough to leave one's soul pretty dark and damaged. I have had to rebuild my life a lot through my years. Not all by my choice either. But in a rounded time span of ten years it took me to get here at this very place. I had to rebuild my life, myself,my heart,my spirit and my hope. I struggled,even through those years but It was worth it. I finally found me and my purpose. I finally found a place I can call home that was filled with good and loyal kind hearted people. I am happy and content here,I belonged somewhere. I will be honest, even though I finally had all that, I was still hungry. I knew there was something else bigger out there waiting for me. ADVENTURE and DREAMS. God is calling me to go out and help build his kingdom. He is calling me to him and asking me to leave it all and follow him. It was a little bit of a struggle to say " Ok, I can and will let it all go." My possessions are just material, some I kept because they are irreplaceable and have a deep meaning to me. My family and friends, will rejoice in this with me, my home will be here waiting for me and everything else in between...well lets just say it was what I knew then and it was the tool to get me here. This was the mindset I had to have in order to make the first steps of letting go.( Philippians 3:13 I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead.)

___________________________________________________

The most impacting part of transition for me, was the closure and deliverance God is giving me me. After all those years of questions, pain,suffering,confusion and the simple need to just let it go, he is taking it all away. I feel that he had to finish things in me before he could send me off. I will not go into great detail of each chapter that was complete because that alone is a book itself. However, I can tell you that the way I thought I understood my past, the way I thought others felt about me or how I felt about them and how important it all really was, was not at all the way God understood it. He did use it to his advantage and made me more like him in the process. My heart has always been a pure and kind heart but my mind has been my greatest weakness and enemy. I am a thinker, therefore I think too much about all the non important matters. I was the little 3 year old in the candy store "what's that daddy, why daddy, I want that daddy." A louder out burst and some foot stomping " why" "but I want it now daddy." Then I grew into a go getter. I went out a got what I thought I wanted at the time and ended up in a bigger mess. Then I graduated with a degree for a sucker with a big heart. I was taken advantage of in every aspect you can possibly imagine and left broken,empty and abandoned by everyone I loved and thought loved me.
___________________________________________________

Forgiveness, it is what I am good at. Sometimes it took longer then other times depending on the damage. But there was one person I never forgave or thought of forgiving, let alone figured was worth forgiving. That was myself. To finally be comfortable to forgive myself was an amazing accomplishment. You have no idea how it freed me. Sometimes I marvel at how far I have come into that kind of understanding for forgiveness. It really is a power act. (Colossians 3:13 Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you have toward one other. Forgive as the Lord forgave you.)

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Healing the wounds of my past has been a miracle all in it's own. Anger was still alive inside me,even when I thought I fixed it and closed the door forever. I could not figure out what was still unsettled in me. I carried pain that I didn't know I had. I began to see the pattern for which caused these wounds. They never had a chance to heal because I kept making the same mistakes. Recutting a non healing wound is like going down a slide made of razors and falling into a pool or alcohol. EXACTLY!! I have had to face my humiliations, my mistakes, the abandonment,rejection and the all the wrong doings against me and look at them as powerful blessings. That which in return have made me a Beautiful,Strong,Wise,Loving,Forgiving,Fearless

and Humble Woman. I encourage you ask God to come into your heart and heal you of your pain and sufferings. To make you bold and powerful in your over comings. Even though I have many many scars, God has covered them with very interesting and beautiful bandages. I like to call them gifts. Pieces of me that I never knew I had,Talents I never thought I would possess. Ability to see beyond our own abilities. A voice I have never heard me utter, A Strength that has stabilized me. I have Compassion that is greater then my understanding and I have Hope, for every man. These are just a few of the many gifts God has for me and you.

The Call

2009-09-17T10:39:00.004-04:00

Here we go folks! This is the beginning. This is where I start the documentation of the biggest challenge and adventure of my life. It too will be the longest entry!! (hehe) This will be basically a reality show without live cameras. I will be documenting my journey from my present life into my new life,which will be in Hlinsko,Czech Republic. Here you will be face to face with the raw truth of my faith,my heart,my struggles, my joys, my calling, and my love for God and His People. A testimony of mighty faith and courage like I've never known.You will be able to be a part of this journey with me. I will share each step with you and I will be showing pictures and perhaps video. I want to leave nothing out. I want to be able to open your eyes, your minds and your heart to a different world, a different way of living. I am very blessed to have Jesus in my in my life. Since I have began my walk with God, he has done amazing things in my life and on a personal level. I have great joy, endless hope and a love that burns like a wild fire. My passion and my hearts desire is to share with others how awesome God is. He loves each and everyone of us and I hope to be able to be a light to draw others closer to him. My whole life I have had many dreams,as we all do. But now I finally get to say "this was only a dream, and it came true" .

All though I will tell you right off, that I AM NOT YOUR TYPICAL "CHRISTIAN". I live outside the christian box. Don't get me wrong, I am a full believer and I walk as straight as I can. Oh and opps, yes I am human, therefore I will stumble and sin from time to time! OUCH!! However I am the type of christian that believes God can be a little more outrageous then others were taught. I have learned he does and allows the strangest things. Things that make you literally scratch your head and be like...SERIOUSLY?? I am the type of Christin that trys to do the one thing Jesus did most...LOVE HIS PEOPLE. I am the believer that is ok with interracial marriages, being friends with gay folk, hanging out with hippies,having a glass of wine, enjoying life,praying for the lost, has hope for the unrightous, dating outside my "religious" label and being put in some of the darkest areas to shine his light. You can be in the middle of sin but not be a partaker. This, I feel is where Christians become religious and judge. Jesus died for each and everyone of us,whether you choose to believe or not! Our sins are no more. He gave his life so we can live. He loved us that much.

Everyone deserves a chance to change their life around. Everyone deserves a chance to have someone believe in them enough. Everyone deserves the chance to be loved for who they are and who they will become. We all have our "story", we all have our "junk." I have found that the most troubled or lost people are the ones God Loves to use for his works and glory. I like to think that everything I have endured and learned from my "story" has made me a humble yet warrior like servant for the Lord, and a Strong Woman of GOD. I can see why Jesus LOVED his people so much. I have this overwhelming desire to just reach out as far and wide as I can and show the love of God to his people. It is ok to be who you are, God created you, and he recreates us more and more each day. It's never too late. Love yourself to the point that you can be fearless in your hearts desires. You are a miracle!!! You have the whole world at your finger tips and you have the chance to change it for the better. Don't be afraid to stand out because that's when the lost get found!! (Jeremiah 29:11-13 For I know the thoughts I have towards you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not evil, to give you a future of hope. Then you will call upon Me and go and pray to Me, and I will listen to you. And you will seek Me and find Me, when you search for Me with all your heart.)

Going back to March 2009, I was blessed and went on my very first mission trip to the Czech Republic. Now honestly, I wanted the experience, the adventure and simply, a VACATION! Never did I expect nor ever imagine what would happen. Not only did I have to cross the entire ocean by myself, I experienced 2 days alone in this foreign country. This is where God started his wonders. I was in a fog for a bit, between the time change,jet lag,hunger and coming down from the stress high. It never stopped what was about to unfold. As I took a walk through the streets of Hlinsko, I got the feeling as if I had already been there before. I said out loud to God, "I have been here before." He spoke to me and said " this is where you will be". Not ignoring what I heard, I just stuck it in the back shelf of my brain. Finally the rest of my team arrived and what a glorious reunion. I was so happy to see them. P.G. told me that I already looked Czech and that he was proud of me for braving the chaos of the trip. The enemy tried to keep us from being one and doing God's will. Silly Satan!

Now on the 3rd day we spent with the Rector Family. They took us through this charming city and we just planted seeds along the way. Back at the house I was talking with Rachael and Steve about what they do, how they teach English. As I asked questions and started to see God in the midst of the conversation, Rachael laid her teaching book in front of me. As I scanned the 2 pages and listening to her speak, I noticed 5 faces with different emotions. I said to myself "God, how would I teach these people English?" Like a lighting bolt it hit me and it hit me deep in my spirit. I heard God say "speech and drama." Gasping a deep breath of realization, the emotions hit me like a tidal wave and I began to weep in front of all these people. I was never more sure of God's voice then at that moment. I looked up at Rachael and I excused myself so I could gain back my composer. As I stood in the bathroom, I looked at myself in the mirror and said "God, are you sure this is what you want me to do?" Again, the tidal wave hit. I knew at that moment I received the calling to be a servant to the mission field for God. I was mixed in my emotions. I was shocked, thrilled and terrified all at the same time. I got myself together and I took in the rest of the trip as conformation from God. God and I had our own time together on this trip even though I was all over the place. I kept feeling the pull every minute of everyday I was there.

One day we went to the Orphanage in Pradubice. Another charming and amazing city. It was there where I met some little angels of God. Those children pulled at my heart so hard that I know that I am meant to go back there. One little girl in particular won my heart the moment I laid eyes on her. Due to policy of the orphanage we are not allowed to say names. With respect for that, I will refer to her as Baby Anna. Now before I even started plans to go on this trip to Europe I told my pastor I knew I was suppose to go to an orphanage and a school. And I was able to do both. Not knowing exacting why those 2 particular places, but I have a pretty good idea as to what those 2 places held for me. Baby Anna and I spent the entire time together and I believe a bond was started. I know still ,even now, that I will see here again and I will be a part of her life. Baby Anna cried and chased me as I Iwalked out of the play ground. I held her hand from the other side of the fence and I told her " I will be back to see you, I promise" and I walked away. So I cannot wait to see her again and I am waiting to see what God does in that situation. Being that this is the raw truth.... I want to adopt Baby Anna, and I feel that either way I will have an impact on her life. Now adoption is a little different there. From what I was told from the questions I asked, they like to keep the kids with in the country. So it is just happens to be that I will be living in country, for time unknown. I am leaving this to God and I will go with the flow with this desire.

All in all, On this trip I was blessed in 7 days with what my heart,my dreams and my prayers have been for 20+ years. It just did not end up being in any shape or form the way that I have thought or tried for it to be. Only God knows the truth and desires of my heart. Only he knows the depth of it as well. A full house in 7 days!! How awesome is he!! So I started my homework the very moment I walked through my apartment door when I returned to the states. Ever since, I have been in the process of preparing to move to Hlinsko,CZ. No looking back, I can only keep forward, keep my eyes on God and hold on for dear life to my faith. This is going to be one heck of a ride.